Light beyond the darkness
by Spikesslayer8
Summary: VERY AU, No vampires or slayers completely human fic. After escaping an abusive relationship with her ex Parker. Buffy is trying desperately to get her life back together when Spike comes into her life. Will Spike be able to break down the walls Buffy has
1. Coming home

Light Beyond The Darkness.

Chapter one.

Coming home.

The rain was coming down hard. So hard in fact Buffy Summers thought to herself that maybe she should pull over until it eased a little. God knows why she didn't though. Maybe it was the fact she knew that was no more that an hour from Sunnydale, home. Where her mother and friends had lived there whole lives. Her whole life revolved around this small town and she wouldn't have it any other way. It was where she went to university, done her shopping and hung out with all her friends. More then anything she wanted to get back and see them. It was where she had felt safe.

She had just spent her whole summer break with her father in L.A. God knows why, she was desperate to get out of town. It wasn't that she hated her father, she just didn't agree with things he had done in the past to her and her mother. When she had walked in on her father cheating on her mother, none the less in their own bed, he had tried to make Buffy promise not to tell her mother. At first to keep her family together she had kept his secret. Months rolled by and Buffy came to the sick realization that he was never going to end it with the young girl. She was only 17 at the time, two years older then herself.

Gathering up the guts one day she sat her mother down in the family living room and told her everything. It was like she pulled the plug on her father's whole life but she didn't care. She knew her mother deserved the truth, she didn't deserve to live in the lie he had created around her. A whole hour it took for Buffy to explain to her distort mother the wicked ways of her father. Down to the last detail that she could recall. Shattered, Joyce had stormed down to her husbands work to confront him of Buffy's allegations only to walk in on him with his mistress herself. Buffy remembered her mother coming home, her cheeks stained with tears and telling her that it was over. Hank came to the house a few days later, glaring at me hatefully as he did so to collect his things. Joyce stood back watching him, daring him to say something. Thankfully the visit was short. A few months later, Joyce had received divorce papers in the post and signed them happily before posting them back. Life was worth smiling about again.

In Buffy's first year of collage she had met a boy. Parker his name was. All throughout her first year they were an item and well into her second year although Buffy would often wonder why she was still with him. He was consistently cheating on her with other women around campus, some even girls she knew. However, he was very possessive and if he caught her even glimpsing at another bloke he would chastise her in public and sometimes it got so bad he would let the full fury go on her behind closed doors. Many times she stood in front of the mirror before classes finding ways to hide bruises that he had left on her due to his rage. Her roommate and best friend would often tell her that he was no good and she should leave him but she was too scared. What if he got worse?

Finally, she decided that enough was enough and finally plucked up the courage to tell him it was over. Naturally he lost his temper at her but instead of the usual chastising and belt around the head he had picked her up by the throat and threw her into the nearest wall. Crumpling to the ground he started screaming at her, calling her a slut and accusing her that he knew she was cheating on him. Then the beating started, his fists beating out their fury on her face, her stomach, her chest, anywhere he could land a cold, hard punch on her. His feet, bare, digging into anywhere his fists were unable to reach. Buffy had closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain, praying he would stop soon. She didn't even feel the hot tears that were streaming down her face. Suddenly felt her shirt being ripped open and his rough hand pulling at her already tender breast. She could feel his naked erection on her leg and before long she felt him roughly rip her skirt off completely before he moved his attention to her underwear.

Frightened Buffy opened her eyes and spotted the electrical cord that was connected to a marble lamp in arms reach. The lamp, she realized was just above Parker's head. Seizing the chance before he could hurt her anymore she yanked on the cord. It smashed on impact, knocking him out cold. Pieces of the lamp shattered everywhere around her as Parker's heavy body thankfully slumped off to the side. Buffy gathered all her strength and fled in her current condition at that precise moment. Sobbing she remembered crashing into her dorm room and into her best friends arms. The police and ambulance were called and all Buffy can remember is Willow sitting in the ambulance with her, holding her hand all the way to the hospital.

She had stayed in hospital for a week. Parker had given her two broken ribs, a broken collarbone, internal bleeding and multiple bruises. Joyce had told her that Parker had been arrested and was facing a number of charges. Willow had managed to find out that on top of the charges that the police had already laid on him from the statement and evidence they had collected from Buffy he had been connected to several other unsolved rapes around campus. Several other girls had also come forward to report their rapes from him.

Upon leaving hospital her mother had made her promise to get out of town until the trial was over. LA sounded good to her, a good place to lose yourself in, even if you had to stay with your father and the skank that broke up your parent's marriage. She had made a big point of flashing her damn wedding ring in her face the second Buffy arrived too. Made her sick just thinking about it. She managed to lose herself in the many mall's LA had to offer often spending hours just wondering around with nothing more then a milkshake in her hands. It seemed to be soothing for her somehow. About two months went by and Willow and her mum kept her consistently updated on Parker's trial. It wasn't looking good for him. Thankfully her lawyer managed to pass a motion for Buffy to be absent at the hearing, using her statement to the police as her defense instead. Then one day her best friend called her to tell her the good news. Parker had been found guilty of all charges and was sentenced to 25 years with no parole. He was to serve his time out in maximum security. The news sprung tears to her eyes. Finally she could go home!

She rushed back to her father's house as fast as she could to pack her things. Throwing her belongings in the suitcase she had brought with her, she bid her father goodbye before rushing out of the house. Home couldn't wait a minute longer.

She was knocked from her thoughts when a dog ran in front of her car. Slamming on the brakes she sighed in relief as she watched the dog run into some near by bushes. She let the car come to a complete stop and that's when she felt it. Her heart jumped into her throat when she felt the unmistakable thump of another car hitting her from behind.

"Oh no." she groaned bumping her head on the steering wheel. Bracing herself she unclipped her seatbelt before she opened the car door and stepped out into the cold rain. Buffy felt a drop run down her back, making her shiver slightly. In seconds her whole body was drenched. She walked to the back of the car to examine the damage. The car that had hit her had reversed his vehicle back, giving her enough room to inspect the rear of her car. In nothing but the pale moonlight she noticed both of her rear lights had been smashed and the boot had been crushed in from the impact.

"Stupid piece of crap car!" Buffy groaned kicking the rear tire. She turned to look at the vehicle that had hit her. She noticed it was a large van with barely had a scratch on it. She watched as a tall man hoped out of the van and walked towards to her but she was unable to see his face through the rain. She raised a hand to her head, to shield her eyes.

"Are you alright luv?" She heard him call over the rain. His accent was thick, British like.

"I'm fine. Sad I can't say the same for my car though." she replied.

"Sorry bout that."

"It's my fault … There was a dog. I slammed on the brakes… It was a thing." She hurried. The man laughed at this.

"Come on let's get out of the rain." He stepped back a few feet and opened the back sliding door. He watched as she gingerly stepped back towards her car. He could tell she was hesitant.

"It's alright luv I'm not going to hurt you." She didn't know why but she trusted this stranger, his voice seemed so kind and sort of familiar to her ears. She trustingly stepped into the van, out of the pouring rain. He followed soon after, closing the door. Buffy sat down on the floor as the man reached down into a box and handed her a towel. Gratefully she took it.

"Thanks." She smiled wiping her face. Looking over the towel her mind suddenly screamed "_**Oh my God"**_ and she felt her skin go hot. She felt her heart pound wildly in her chest as the recognition of the man that was sitting in front of her came all too clear. It was William Giles or as all his friends called him Spike. No wonder she recognized his voice. She had only been crushing on this guy for forever and spent almost all her time in phyc class drooling over him and doodling in her notebook about him. Of course at the end of the class she would rip the paper to shreds and dump it in the trash so Parker wouldn't find out. But it didn't stop her knowing almost everything about the guy.

She knew that Spike and his father had moved to Sunnydale after his mother had passed away from cancer. She knew that his father's name was Rupert and he was the high school librarian. Well at least until the end of her Senior year where the school had been burnt to the ground when a prank went wrong just after Graduation. He now worked at the University library casually; the man always had a thing for books. She also knew that Mr. Giles owned a small retail outlet down near the mall called The Magic Box where he spent most of his time now. Buffy would often go down to help out; she had grown to know the man quite well during high school.

Now as for Spike himself she had first laid eyes on him she had been sitting in homeroom about two weeks after her Senior year begun. Principal Flutie had walked into the room with him in tow, his platinum blonde hair slicked back and all dressed in black. Flutie introduced him to the class as William Giles and asked for a volunteer to show him around the school. Before she could raise her hand, Drusilla, the schools psycho, shot her hand up. Neitherless to say, she hadn't had much of a chance to talk to him other then the occasional hi when he came to talk to his dad if she was around at the time.

She knew from mostly collage gossip that the pair had dated right up until just before the end of their first year of collage. It was discovered that Dru was in fact sleeping with her collage history professor. The pair high tailed it to England, to start a fresh. She remembered him walking into his dads shop one day, devastated, telling his dad he was going on a road trip. He had left before everything went down with Parker.

The thought refreshed in her mind that Parker was now out of her life and she could talk and do what ever she pleased made her also realize she had been staring at Spike over her towel now for a few minutes.

"Buffy, Buffy Summers you're in my phyc class right?" he asked.

"Yeah, you're William Giles. Rupert's son." She stated trying to act uninterested.

"You know my dad huh?" His eyes sparked with interest.

"Yeah he helps me out sometimes with research for class assignments he is a nice guy." She desperately wanted to get off the subject.

"Yeah he's pretty cool… So where you coming from?"

"I spent the summer with my dad in L.A while things cooled down for me here." She replied looking down.

"Hmm. Yeah I heard about what happened with Parker... I'm sorry." He said saddened. He remembered just how messed up she had looked in the hospital.

"Yeah good times." she replied sarcastically. She buried her head in the towel.

"I came and saw you in hospital … with Willow and Faith." Her head shot up at this. He came and saw her at the hospital. They had barely said hello to each other since he had moved here.

"You did? I don't remember seeing you."

"You where sleeping. We left flowers though. Thought it best to let you rest." She smiled at that. She wondered why Willow hadn't mentioned it to her.

"You know Willow and Faith?" So apparently he did know what happened to her. Apparently he had come to see her too.

"Yeah, I share a place off campus with some mates. Two of them being Oz and Riley." She nodded understandingly. Oz and Willow and been seeing each other for four years now. They had met in high school and were instantly connected. Faith and Riley had met on their first day on campus during sign up and had been inseparable ever since. Buffy started to wonder if he knew anymore of her close friends.

"Who are the other guys?"

"Angel, Wesley and Xander." Buffy almost laughed out loud. She knew these boys too. Angel and Cordy had been seeing each other for 4 years, Oz and Willow had introduced them to each other before the Spring dance. Wesley had been dating Fred since they met for the first time in biology at Uni and Anya and Xander had also been dating high school.

"So you would also know Cordy, Fred and Anya." She asked grinning.

"I do they're all really decent chicks … Anya she's a bit of a strange bint but Xander adores her."

"She can be a bit … honest." Buffy admitted. They laughed but soon went silent. How was it they were so connected but never actually close. Buffy finally spoke up.

"So where were you coming from?"

"My grandparents live in England. I spent most of my summer with them but I left my van at LA airport so I could stop in and see some mates on the way home." She went quiet for a moment worried he would get annoyed with her next statement. But she felt she had to say something.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this but I'm sorry about what happened with Dru." Instead of an annoyed look was expecting she was greeted with a soft smile.

"Don't worry about it. Truth is and don't get me wrong I did like the girl and we had a long history together but I knew it was doomed from the beginning." She had a look of curiosity on her face. She didn't understand. She had the understanding that they where so close, so in love.

"Why? I mean didn't you love her?"

"At one stage I thought I did. But if it was… I just think it would have hurt so much more. When it happened I wasn't really hurt and not even close to surprised… I see it as we where keeping each other company, killing time till we met till our mister or misses right came along. She has hers and she is happy and I think I might know where mine is." He smiled at Buffy as he looked deep into her eyes. She looked down feeling her face go hot once again and she looked back up at him, he could tell that his statement had hit her. He decided to break the ice.

"Besides Dru was not quite all there … she was a little bit..." Spike wavered.

"Crazy." She intervened.

"Yeah." He replied laughing with her.

"Besides a few months before it ended I knew it had to end. I just figured it would be me to do it." She nodded understanding. Buffy turned and looked out the van window. Seeing the rain had eased she turned back to look at him.

"It looks like the rain has died down. I should probably see if I can get my car to move." Spike's heart pounded as panic started to burn thought him. He didn't want her to leave. He had always found her interesting, mysterious ever since he had started at Sunnydale High. He had wanted to get to know her but every time he would look over at her Dru would go off. She had once said to him that every time she looked at him all she could see was Buffy, everywhere, swimming all around him, he had shook his head and shrugged it off but now when he looked back it didn't seem that crazy. He did worry about the girl, he cared for her, when he had found out what Parker had done he had wanted to kill him. He had to do something, say something, anything to stop her from leaving.

"Listen luv your car doesn't look to road worthy maybe we should move it to the side of the road. We can get your stuff out and I'll drive you home." Spike offered. Buffy looked up at him. He was so gorgeous; his blonde hair was now dry and sitting in soft curls. He was wearing blue jeans and a white top she noticed that this was not his usual clothing. Normally he would be wearing black jeans with either a red or black top with his famous black, long, leather duster. Buffy spied it hanging off the back of the seats at the front.

"Thanks, that's probably a good idea." She smiled. She had hoped he would offer her a ride knowing the car was in no condition to get her home safely. But most of all she enjoyed his company and was not quite ready to say good night. Spike smiled back at her as he pulled the van door open and stepping out, Buffy hoping out behind him.

"Are the keys still in the car pet?" She patted down her pant pockets.

"Yeah I'll just see if I can get her to move." She replied. She went for the car only to have him stop her.

"No you stay here we don't know how stable she is. I don't want you to get hurt luv." Buffy nodded her head lightly and watched as he walked to the driver's side of her car. She smiled as he got into her car, her thoughts wondering. He was worried about her she realized generally concerned for her safety. She shook her head vigorously. Even if he did there was no way she could get involved with another guy! It was a recipe for disaster. If Parker had taught her anything it was not to let anyone get too close to your heart. The loud scraping sound of metal on metal snapped her to what was in front of her. She cringed knowing there would of no way she would of got home without a tow truck in her car.

Spike cut the engine before hoping out and opening the back door. Buffy walked over to help him unload her bags from the backseat. Luckily Buffy realized, she had been in such a rush to get home she had chucked all her bags on the backseat instead of the boot like she normally would. The two hurriedly put her suitcase and bags in the back of Spikes van before Buffy locked the car and set the alarm. Satisfied that her car was reasonably safe, she shoved her keys in her pocket. Walking back to Spikes van, Buffy scampered into the front passenger seat as Spike closed the sliding door. Buffy jumped slightly when Spike slid into the driver's seat from the back rather from the front door as she had been expecting. He didn't seem to notice as he gunned the van's engine to life.

"So are you going to your mums or to the dorms?" He asked looking at her.

"Well I was going to go and see my mum first and then go to the dorms. I'll just have to catch a cab there." Buffy surmised.

"No worries. I can drop you off at the dorms after you see your mum." He smiled at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's no problem. While I'm waiting I'll call Phil, he is the local mechanic I know. I'll get him to pick up your car tonight. He'll have it fixed in no time."

"Oh, I should really speak to my insurance company before I have it fixed."

"Don't worry about it, it's on me anyway. You may have slammed on the brakes but I should have been watching the road instead of playing with the CD player." Spike pointed to his CD player that was nestled in the dash as he smiled at her.

"Oh no, I couldn't let you do that." She gushed.

"Nah it's cool. Phil owes me a few favors anyway."

"Thanks that's really descent of you." Buffy smiled back at him. Secretly, she was swooning. Could her day get any better?

"Well I'm a descent kind of guy." Spike quipped back, laughing lightly.

"Well we better head off." With that he flicked on the headlights before getting back onto the road. Buffy grabbed for her seatbelt and clicked it in. Finally she was going to be home.


	2. Misunderstood part 1

Misunderstood Part 1

_i45 minutes later. /i_

Spike turned into the street Buffy indicated him to turn into and then slowed the car as she pointed to her house with some glee he might add. The rain had stopped just as they hit the outskirts of Sunnydale. He stopped the car smoothly out the front of Summer's residence. The second Spike cut the engine Buffy practically leapt out of the van and headed for the front door with a small smile playing on her lips. She was finally home. Her mother, she realized must have seen the van pull up on the curb because she was already out the door and meeting her daughter halfway. Arms flew around each other as they embraced each tightly. Buffy heard the other door of the van open and she guessed that Spike had gotten out of the van. Buffy felt her mother pull back from her and touched her on the face gently.

"Honey I was starting to worry about you. I called your father he said you had left hours ago."

"I meant to call I swear mum. I had uh some car trouble." Joyce looked over Buffy's shoulder at that moment to see Spike standing near them and smiling softly at her.

"Who's your friend?" She asked curiously. Buffy stepped back and turned to look at Spike.

"Oh mum this is Spiii … uh William Giles. He is Rupert's son. William this is my mum, Joyce Summers." She gestured. Spike stepped forward shaking Joyce's outstretched hand.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Summers but please call me Spike." He smiled releasing her hand.

"Spike. Hmm. That's an interesting nickname. You can call my Joyce." She smiled at him. Now that name rang a bell. Spike. Ah of course Buffy, she remembered had gone on about him during her entire senior year of High School. To her, he was 'drop dead gorgeous' if she remembered correctly.

"Honey, where's your car?"

"Uh…it…umm…" She glanced at Spike who was observing the exterior of the house it seemed.

"Oh Buffy. What happened?" Joyce's voice was laced with concern Buffy knew and she felt as though she had no other choice but to fess up to her mother.

"Well you see I was about an hour away and a dog ran in front of my car. So I slammed on the on the brakes to avoid hitting it and well … William kind of ran into the back of my car."

"Oh good Lord. Are you both okay?" She asked concern still in her eyes as she touched Buffy's face.

"Mum, we are fine. The back of my car isn't though."

"Well, cars can be fixed or replaced young lady but people can't. I'm just glad you are both okay. We'll work out away to get the car fixed." Joyce finished almost whispering. Money, Buffy knew was rather tight at the moment. While Joyce owned the local art gallery most of that money was getting poured into Joyce's medical bills.

"Oh that won't be a problem Mrs. Sum… Joyce. If I could just use your phone for a moment I'll call my mate Phil. He's the local mechanic around here. He'll have Buffy's car as good as new in no time."

"Spike we couldn't possibly let you do that." Joyce gushed. How could this boy, a stranger none the less, be so generous was truly outstanding.

"Really it's no problem. He owes me a few favors any how. Besides Buffy may have slammed on the brakes but it was my bad driving that caused me to crash into the back of her car. Honestly I insist." Joyce smiled at his resolved look. He was truly a gentleman this one.

"Since I can see that there is no changing your mind, thank you Spike. Now why don't we all get out of the cold? A cup of hot chocolate should warm up those frozen fingers." Hot chocolate? Spike's eyes lit up at these words. Before his mother, Jenny had passed away from cancer almost three years ago. But he remembered she always had a way of knowing exactly when he needed this wonderful warm treat. She would often place small marshmallows in it to make it extra special for him. He felt a little pang in is heart as he looked into space, remembering how wonderful his mother was and how much he missed her. Of course he wasn't the only one gutted by his mother's death. His father he knew had taken it very hard indeed. He was almost unrecognizable at one stage. This woman reminded him so much of his own mother he realized. He only wished that someday his father would find someone as wonderful as his mother.

"Are you coming William?" Buffy asked looking at him, a puzzled look on her face. He noticed that Joyce had already heading for the front door. Shaking his head softly, as if to shoo away the memories; he placed his hand on Buffy's shoulder. On contact, Buffy felt as though she had been stuck by a bolt of lighting.

"Buffy luv, please call me Spike." She smiled, still over come with the sensation that he was actually touching her. She then nodded her head in agreement before Spike recoiled his hand and they headed towards the house.

As they approached the doorway, Spike could see that Joyce was standing patiently in the hall.

"The phone is just on the wall there. Feel free to join us in the kitchen when you are done."

"Thank you." He scurried over to the phone and Joyce motioned Buffy to follow her to the kitchen. Buffy thought she could see a hint of a twinkle in her mother's eye. Stepping into the brightly lit kitchen Buffy sat down on one of the stools of the breakfast bar while Joyce made herself busy getting cups and putting the kettle on. She could hear Spike's voice as he talked on the phone although she wasn't able to make out exactly what he was saying. Her mother, as always broke her thoughts.

"He seems like a very nice boy Buffy." Joyce said as she spooned heaped teaspoons of cocoa into the mugs.

"Huh? Yeah he's nice."

"Is he the same Spike from high school?" Buffy looked up at her mother guiltily, feeling her cheeks burn.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Buffy muttered desperately trying to play dumb.

"Oh you know…" Her mother started. The kettle whistled and then clicked off. Joyce moved her hands near her face and with two fingers each she crunched them up and down twice.

"Spike is the hottest, coolest, funniest, sweetest guy ever." Joyce done the motion again before getting the kettle. Buffy looked at her un-amused as her mother continued the onslaught while pouring the hot water into the mugs.

"Then you went on to say you would give up your first born if he would just ask you to prom." Buffy felt her anger flare.

"I never said I would give my first born!" She retorted, shocked at the accusation.

"Got-cha!" Her mother whispered triumphantly. Buffy warmly smiled. Indeed she had been caught out.

"Hey! You tricked me." Buffy pouted. Joyce smiled smugly as she stirred the warm liquid in one of the mugs.

"Still the best at it."

"Yeah, Winner and still defending champion." Buffy quipped jokingly. She watched as she moved the spoon to the next cup, swirling it the same way she always did.

"So…Is he still dating that what did you use to call her… oh right vampire wanna be?" Buffy let out a little laugh at her old nickname for Dru.

"It's Drusilla mum and no he's not." She replied looking down now. She had a feeling where this conversation was going and she really wished it wasn't.

"Really?" her mother replied raising one of her eye brows. Buffy could still hear the spoon tinkering on the edge of the mug her mother was stirring.

"Don't even think it mum. It's not like that. He doesn't see me that way besides we're just friends... actually I don't even know if we're that." Buffy replied looking back up at her mother with a slightly confused look on her face.

"Buffy. You're beautiful, more the beautiful. You're gorgeous and any boy would be a fool not to see that." She said placing the spoon she was holding on the bench. She then reached out and caressed her daughter's cheek lovingly.

"But you're my mom. You ihave/i to say those things." She said rolling her eyes.

"Maybe but I'm also right." She said warmly. Buffy smiled at her mother's comment. She always had a way of making her feel extraordinary.

"And just because Parker…" Joyce began. Buffy's smile quickly faded as her mother continued.

"…Didn't appreciate you doesn't mean all men will treat you the same way." Buffy raised her hand to stop her. She really didn't want to talk about Parker. The thought of him made her stomach ache. In fact she never wanted to hear his name again.

"Mum please don't." She watched as her mother put in the marshmallows in the mugs and then dusted them with cocoa.

"Buffy, honey please listen to me. I don't want you to close your self off from people and new possibilities."

"I'm not I just… I don't want to talk about it. That part of my life is over, so just drop it alright." She replied standing from her stool and walking out of the kitchen.

"But Buffy…" Joyce yelled out. Spike walked into the kitchen at that moment to see a very distort Joyce. He could see she had made three mugs of hot chocolate. They were perfect he realized.

"Is she alright?" He asked without thinking.

"She's just um, tired." Joyce muttered.

"Here, this one is for you." Joyce picked up one of the mugs and offered it to Spike. She smiled at him brilliantly as he took the cup from her hands. She grabbed a cup of her own and gestured to the table.

"Please take a seat." He sat down, not wanting to offend the woman but at the same time he couldn't help wondering where Buffy had got to.

"So, Spike. Tell me a bit about your self."


	3. Misunderstood part 2

Buffy had ended up coming back down stairs after about twenty minutes of sulking up in her old room. What surprised her though was that Spike was still there, talking to his mother. Shooting her mother a dirty look she opened the refrigerator to find something to drink. Finding nothing, she settled for a glass of water from the tap. Buffy could see that the mugs the hot chocolate were in were already washed and on the dish rack drying. After draining the contents of her glass she turned to the pair who was laughing at something Spike had just said.

"I would like to go back to the dorm now." Spike's head snapped around as she spoke. Her mother glared at her with warning.

"If that's ok with you." Buffy finished. Spike stood and extended his hand to Joyce.

"It's been a pleasure." Buffy saw her mother smile and shook Spikes hand.

"Anytime." Buffy rolled her eyes and headed for the door. She was surprised as she reached the front door Spike was right behind her.

"Bye mum!" Buffy called out, opening the door. Cold air blasted in, making Buffy shiver. She stepped out onto the patio, rubbing her arms for a moment in an attempt to warm herself. She then raced to the car and swung the door open on the passenger side before shutting it again and clicking on her belt. It wasn't too long before Spike had jumped into the driver's seat with a slam of his door and started the engine. Buffy could see her mother standing on the patio waving goodbye. She waved back until she couldn't see the light of patio anymore. The ride back to the dorm was coated in silence. She sighed with silent relief as the campus lights came into view. Spike parked the car near her dorm and helped to lug her bags up to her room. Before she got a chance to say thank you however he was gone. Too tired to care, Buffy snapped the lock on the door and fell into bed, falling asleep even before her head hit the pillow.

Getting back into the campus life wasn't nearly as difficult as Buffy thought it was going to be. Sure there was the odd whisper still about her and Parker now and again and she would sometimes catch people staring at her with sympathy. Class had been more time consuming then she ever remembered it being before but thankfully Willow had been there to help her all the way. Her warm smile never wavered.

A few days later Buffy got a call from Spike telling her that her car was fixed and that he had dropped it off down in the car park; the keys were down in her mail box in an envelope. He had called her on the dorm phone so she guessed he had gotten it from Willow. Curious, Buffy had scampered down to the mail room and picked up her keys before racing out to the car park to see her car. She gasped as her car came into view. It looked perfect. Not a scratch or dent to be seen. She raced towards the library where she knew Willow was to tell her the good news, a grin ear to ear. Stepping inside the cold, musky library she almost ran straight into the very person she was trying to find. She was stopped just in time by her friend's steady hands.

"Whoh Buffy, where's the fire?" Willow let her friend go and urged her to a nearby table. Still grinning like a circus clown, Buffy plopped into the nearest chair, tossing her car keys onto the middle of the desk.

"Oh my God. You haven't?" Willow asked as she slid into a chair herself.

"Yep, just got dropped off."

"Ah huh. How much?"

"Nothing." Buffy watched in amusement as her friends jaw almost fell off with disbelief.

"And here I was thinking that 'don't worry about it, I owe you' was just a line." Willow's eyes widened before a sly smile crept upon her face. Buffy knew what that meant.

"Speaking of Spike you haven't told me what happened the other night." Willow smiled wickedly now raising her eye brows at her.

"Willow I b**told**/b you what happened." Buffy replied trying to dance around the question.

"Nuh uh. You gave me vague descriptions, not details. A girl needs details." Willow pouted pulling her best resolve face she could muster.

"There are no details. Spike crashed into me, gave me a ride, took me to mum's then brought me back here. End of story." Buffy held her breath waiting for the 'Don't give me that I want details' response from her friend but instead all she got was a small nod and a smile.

"That's it? Cat got your tongue or something?" She asked sarcastically.

"Who has who's tongue?" Buffy felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up straight when she heard the all too familiar British voice behind her.

"No one." She replied meekly as she watched him take a seat beside her.

"Hey Red. How's things?" Willow smiled nervously as she made a grab for her bag.

"Oh you know not much. Mostly study." She replied, standing.

"Will, where are you going?" Buffy asked eyes pleading.

"Oh I have a thing." She said as she started to walk off.

"What thing?" Buffy called out.

"You know Buffy I got that thing I was telling you about before… well it was good seeing you Spike… I'll see you tonight Buffy … um bye." she said her eyes darting from Spike to Buffy before she scampered off.

"Um okay." Buffy mumbled a little confused.

"Is she usually like that?" Spike asked knowing the answer already.

"Huh? Oh that's just Willow." She smiled.

"Right well then. Just wanted to make sure you got your car back okay."

"Oh yes thank you!" Buffy gushed.

"Good to hear. Well um I'll leave you to it then." he replied awkwardly as he stood.

"Spike was there something else? I mean you're not known for hanging out at the library." He smiled sheepishly as he sat back down on the vacant chair.

"Busted huh?" Buffy raised her eyebrows at him and nodded her head.

"Just a little."

"Well I'm heading to L.A for a few hours tonight. My mate Lorne owns club there. Wanted to see if you'd like to come a long, you know get out of town."

"Look Spike I really appreciate what you did for me that night and with my car but… the thing is… I'm just not looking to get involved with anyone… ever again actually." Spike almost laughed at this. Instead he ran his hand though his hair before continuing.

"Miss Summers you misunderstand me. After what I went though before summer break I am in no way looking for a relationship. Friendship yes and I thought that maybe you could use a friend is all. No relationship tendencies attached." Spike had to bow his head at the guilt of his own lies. He knew he wanted her but he didn't want to push her away either. So for the moment it just had to be this. Hell, he could wait. She was worth the wait.

"Oh my god I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry I never should have assumed…" Buffy felt her face burn bright red and she too put her head down, staring at a hole in the desk as if it was the most interesting thing she had seen. How could she be so stupid, this was Spike Giles for goodness sake! What could he possibly see in her? As Parker had said no one would love her now she was just used goods. Seeing Buffy's face flushed Spike said the first thing that came to him to make her feel better.

"Don't get me wrong you're beautiful but I don't think either of us are ready to jump into the dating game just yet." He smiled winking at her as she looked up at him stunned. Did she just hear right? Had he just called her beautiful? Puzzled she scanned his face, positive it was some kind of joke. She found nothing but sincerity. No one had ever called her beautiful and truly meant it... well no one besides her mum.

"What?" He asked after she didn't answer him. Her face was full of awe.

"You think I'm beautiful?" Buffy whispered.

"Don't ever forget it." Buffy felt herself blush again and her stomach doing flip flops. Man how can one word mean so much? Buffy extended her hand to Spike.

"So, friends?"

"Friends." Spike smiled extending his hand to connect with hers. It was like two powerful magnets being connected and as they shook each others hand firmly, neither seem to want to let go. Finally loosening his grip Spike pulled his hand away. Buffy let her arm fall slack against her leg. The connection between them was so strong already but neither was ready to admit it. Spike cleared his throat.

"So what do you think about tonight?"

"That would be great! Oh wait I can't. Crap. My band has a gig tonight at The Bronze."

"You're in a band?" He asked looking shocked.

"You seem surprised." Buffy giggled.

"I'm in a band with Willow, Faith, Cordy, Fred and Anya."

"I know them. The Slayers. Didn't know you where with them though."

"Well most of out gigs are out of town before…before I took time off." Spike nodded understanding, saddened at the thought of her going through something like that. It maddened him to think any man could treat such a wonderful person so harshly.

"So let me see if I got this right. Your friend Willow plays the keyboard and Faith plays a wicked drums. Cordelia plays the base guitar and does vocals. I know Anya and Fred do all the behind the scene stuff like finance and costume design and over all management for the band."

"Correct."

"So where exactly do you fit in love?"

"I play guitar and was lead singer until you know."

"Ah I see. Actually been thinking about starting a band myself… It's too bad about tonight." Spike stood, kicking himself. Gotten all his hopes up for nothing. He was really hoping to spend more time with her, getting to know her.

"Well if you change your mind about going to L.A you could come to the gig to night. First performance in 8 months I could use a friend." Buffy looked at him hopefully.

"I'll be there. What time do you go on?" Lorne could wait. A beautiful smile graced Buffy's face and Spike knew at once he had made the right decision.

"We go on at eight; it should be pumping. I'm even singing a song I wrote over the summer."

"A writer too huh?" He smirked and Buffy almost melted.

_iCould he be any hotter?/i _

"I have many talents." She replied smiling wickedly.

"And I can't wait to see them all." Spike replied winking at her. Could Spike be any hotter? Hell yes! The chemistry between them sizzled and cracked.

"I'll see you at eight Miss Summers." Spike drawled as he took her hand and lightly kissed the back of her palm. Buffy felt her face flush once again and her hand tingled from his touch. Placing her hand back on her lap he looked into her eyes and smiled one last time before turning and walking away. Buffy heard herself sigh softly. She could feel a small smile playing on her lips. This was like her own fairy tale brought to life. In taking a shaky breath she had a feeling that this was the start to a very interesting 'friendship'.


	4. Untouchable

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Untouchable.

Cursing himself for running late, Spike hurriedly walked into the Bronze. It was already 8:15pm. Noticing with some relief that the band was still setting up, even if they were in the last stages, he begun to breathe easy again. This was something he didn't want to miss. Scanning the crowded room he spotted Angel, Oz, Wes, Riley and Xander. Shifting his was though the crowd he made it to their table which was situated close to the stage. Plonking down on the vacant stool in between Angel and Xander he greeted all of his friends warmly before turning to his own thoughts once again. He had seen the posters plastered all over campus last week about the bands return but he never anticipated that they were this popular. He could swear almost the whole campus was here.

He had never seen them play mostly because Dru had not been one for going to the Bronze or clubs in general. She insisted that they hung out with her Goth wanna-be friends while drinking and getting high anyway possible in the local park. It was what they do Dru had told him one day. They would then lie on the damp grass, giggling and trying to name stars that they would never remember. Spike shook his head, trying to shake the memory away. To think that he thought he was happy like that.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Buffy come out from behind a rather large amplifier. Turning his full attention to the stage he couldn't help but stare at the blonde beauty. Her hair was down, set in light natural curls and hanging so elegantly around her face. Her makeup was done with such precision that it almost looked like she wasn't wearing any at all. Her lips were full and her eyes sparkled in the night club's lights. The blood red singlet she wore showed off her small shoulders and her black knee length skirt swished every time she moved. Lastly her feet were covered in an ankle high boot with a clip on each side. Spike didn't even notice the other girls take their positions. All he saw was the warm smile Buffy gave him before taking the microphone in her hand to address the crowd.

"This thing on? Oh yeah good. Wow I didn't think so many people would show tonight." The crowd roared with applause and a few whistles before she continued.

"Wanna thank everyone for coming. It means a lot right girls?" The rest of the band members nodded in agreement before she continued.

"I know it's been a while since we have been here and we're sorry. But know where back to stay this time." The room filled with shouts of support, loud wolf whistles and a thunderous applause. Buffy, grinning proudly took a moment to scan the room before letting her eyes rest on Spike once again. He gave her a wink for encouragement as the crowd calmed down. Buffy didn't know why but it seemed to reassure her somehow.

"I spent the summer with my dad this year. Got a lot of time to myself to reflect about my first year of collage and this next song is all about it. I hope you guys like it." As if on cue the tapping of the drum could be heard as Faith counted them in. Buffy in took a steady breath and let the lyrics flow out of her.

Ah ahaha…

Willow begun to let her fingers move over the keys, her eyes slightly closed as she fell in one with the music as it poured out over the room. Faith and Cordelia remained still but didn't look out of place.

Ah ahaha…

Take a look at my body  
Look at my hands  
There's so much here that I don't understand.  
Your face-saving promises  
Whispered like prayers  
I don't need them.

The keyboard seemed to echo though the large room as everyone remained a deathly quiet. As Spike watched Buffy sing he could see the conflict playing out on her face. The meaning of the words he knew where directed at Parker and how he brought her down. He noticed that her guitar was still sitting in the stand as she clutched the microphone stand with her hands.

'Cos I've been treated so wrong  
I've been treated so long  
As if I'm becoming untouchable...

Well, contempt loves the silence  
It thrives in the dark  
The fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart.  
They say that promises sweeten the blow  
But I don't need them...  
No I don't need them.

Her voice came out almost in a whisper but the words still rang out over the stilled crowd. Spike could see couples holding each other gently and lovingly as they swayed to the soft beat. No one except her and the closest people around her knew that this song was about. A song about pain and loss and a woman's hope and spirit being destroyed by someone who said they loved her.

I've been treated so wrong  
I've been treated so long  
As if I'm becoming untouchable.  
I'm a slow dying flower  
In the frost killing hour  
Sweet turning sour  
And untouchable.

Willow and her notes from her keyboard flowed forward as Buffy stopped singing. She bowed her head and swayed to the keyboard's notes, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Spike wanted to cry for her, to reach out and hold her and tell her everything would be okay. But he knew she would never let him, not yet anyway. The damage Parker had done to her was almost beyond repair. Her eyes were heavy with feeling when she raised her mouth to the microphone again. Spike just hoped one day Buffy would realize that she deserved to be loved.

Ooh.

Faith begun to tap on the drums, softly but rhythmically. It could barely be heard over the top of the keyboard and Buffy's voice. A slight detection of bitterness came out in the next words.

Ooh, I need  
The darkness  
The sweetness  
The sadness  
The weakness  
Ooh, I need this.  
I need a lullaby  
A kiss goodnight  
Angel, sweet love of my life  
Ooh I need this.

The drums seem to faze out as Buffy's voice dropped and notes from the keyboard softened. All eyes were on her. Not that she would have noticed. All that she could feel was the weight of her words. Her voice softened again as the next words came out.

I'm a slow dying flower  
Frost killing hour  
The sweet turning sour  
And untouchable.

Do you remember the way that you touched me before?  
All the trembling sweetness  
I loved and adored...  
Your face saving promises

Buffy's eyes softly closed her eyes, the words flowing out like a waterfall. She doubted she could stop them if she tried. So many painful memories came flooding back of Parker. What he said to her. All those promises that he never came though with but she believed him every time anyway. More then anything she wanted to believe she didn't need that anymore that she was stronger and better.

Whispered like prayers.  
I don't need them.

During this short pause Xander leaned over to Spike and whispered.

"Can you believe what that asshole has done to her? I mean she was always so happy but now she just seems so empty." All Spike could do is nod his head in agreement because just like everyone else in the room he had been captured by Buffy's voice. Faith came in with the drums again, not that anyone noticed. Everyone was fixated on Buffy.

I need the darkness  
The sweetness  
The sadness  
The weakness  
Ooh, I need this.  
I need a lullaby  
A kiss goodnight  
Angel, sweet love of my life  
Ooh, I need this.

She opened her eyes and looked down at him, smiling. He smiled back at her but he could see that behind that smile she was still so broken.

Well, is it dark enough?  
Can you see me?  
Do you want me?  
Can you reach me?  
Or I'm leaving...

You better shut your mouth  
And hold your breath  
You kiss me now  
You catch your death.  
Oh, I mean this...

He didn't know what to think of those words. Were they meant for him? Or where they a vicious swipe at Parker? He didn't know. He didn't want to know. Up until this point, Spike hadn't noticed or realized that Cordelia had been standing behind Buffy with a violin in position ready to play. She started playing the stringed instrument, flawlessly and Spike felt his mouth drop to the floor in awe.

Oh, I mean this...

Buffy stepped back, out of the light and Cordelia took her place. The notes flowed out stronger, bolder without Buffy's voice there. Faith came in with the drums again and Spike could see Buffy had moved to stand near Willow, swaying in time with the music. She seemed mesmerized, enchanted. How he wished she would realize how beautiful she really was.

As the three girls faded out together, Buffy stepped forward again and the crowd went wild. Buffy was grinning, a small blush creeping onto her cheeks. She thanked the crowd about a dozen times before she reached for her electric guitar. Cordelia set down the violin and picked up her base. Spike noticed Faith count them in again and they begun to perform a recent rock/punk song. Smiling he turned to Angel.

"Cordy did well. I didn't know she played violin."

"A trick she picked up when she was younger I believe." Was all Angel said before turning his attention back to the stage. Some time later Anya and Fred drifted down to the table, making small talk and getting the boys to come and dance. Spike stayed still. All he could do is watch Buffy perform.

It was 2:30 before they finished playing their last set. Breaks for the band had been short and purposeful so Spike hadn't gotten to see Buffy at all. Not that he minded. Watching her perform was reward enough. The club had closed for the night and most of the satisfied teen's had already left, home bound. Spike drifted out with the last of the people leaving the club and strolled over to girls who were currently loading the last of their stuff into the back of Oz's van.

"Hey Buff, wanna ride?" He heard Willow ask as everyone piled into the van.

"No I'm good Will. Gunna walk it."

"Are you sure?" Her friend asked, peeking her head out from the side of the van and giving her a look of concern.

"I'll be fine Will I promise." Buffy put the amp she had been carrying in the van with a soft thud.

"Ok. But only if your sure." Willow replied reaching out to hug her friend.

"I'm sure." Buffy replied. She knew she was worrying about her for nothing. After all she was a big girl. She could look after her self. They embraced each other tightly before Willow scampered to the front seat of the van saying goodbye. Buffy slid the sliding door shut and patted the door with her hand before stepping back. Spike saw Buffy smile before Faith's head popped out the back van window.

"Hey B tonight was slammin'. I think it's safe to say the Slayers are back!" Buffy shook her head in disbelief at her friend and watched as Oz gunned the engine and drove off. She could still hear Faith hooting half way down the block. Spike decided it was now or never.

"Hello cutie." Buffy spun around clutching her chest.

"Oh Spike you scared the hell out of me."

"Well at least I haven't lost my touch." He smiled wiggling his eyebrows at her. Buffy giggled and shook her head. Pulling the black jacket closer around herself she motioned for Spike to start walking with her. They approached the main street. Their footsteps seem to quietly echo around them as the bright lights from businesses shone out onto the empty street. Curious to know why Spike had waited she cleared her throat before she spoke.

"So I thought you had left already."

"What? Are you kidding? Do you think I would leave before I had the chance to tell you how amazing you guys are? Coz I wouldn't you know. You guys were amazing. It was like you have found your true calling in life luv. Singing you little heart out." Buffy blushed at the compliment. Did he really think they were that good?

"Gosh if only we could just get one of those record companies to come and hear us play. It would truly be like a dream come true." Spike couldn't help but smile.

"What if I told you I could help you out with that?" Buffy stopped dead in her tracks staring at him with disbelief.

"What do you mean?"

"Well it just happens that my uncle is the manager of Doyle Records and I'm his favorite nephew, well technically I'm his only nephew." Spike watched as Buffy's eyes grew wide.

"Oh my God. Are you serious? Your uncle is Francis Allan Doyle?" She almost screamed in excitement.

"One and the same luv and if you want I could put in a call for you… I mean you would have to make a demo tape up for him and that plus he's out of town right now. He only left last week and he will be gone for about 12 months he said. But once he gets back and he heard you guys I know he would be down here begging you to sign up with him." Buffy's mind started whirling with excitement. Oh the possibilities. Before she knew it she was rambling.

"12 months that would give us heaps of time to work on some new songs...I will have to ring the girls and tell them so we can get started. We could put the new song I wrote on the demo tape for him to listen to and oh my God this is so great. Are you sure you don't mind?" Buffy's face was flushed with excitement. However it was Buffy's heart felt smile that warmed Spike the most.

"Anything for you Goldilocks. Anything." Buffy didn't hear the last part, she had already begun walking again, smiling from ear to ear.

Buffy had decided after she got back to the dorm that night that instead of breaking the news over the phone she needed to call a band meeting. Knowing that everyone had stayed over at the boy's house last night she rang and organized them to meet at their mother's house. She then quickly showered and dressed, not even bothering to eat. Jumping into her car she drove over to her mothers as fast as it was safely possible. Her mother greeted her warmly as she almost bounded though the door. Her mother had so thoughtfully made her breakfast, pancakes none the less; her favorite and they were sitting on the counter.

"Aww mum you're the best you know that?" Her mother just smiled and left the room. Buffy grabbed her plate and settled down into a chair in the dining room, waiting for her friends to show up. She was only half way though her breakfast when they all arrived. She urged them to all sit down at the table and swallowing a mouthful of pancake she looked up at them grinning.

"So B what the five o?" Faith asked

"Well after you guys left last night I ran into Spike…" Willow opened her mouth to say something.

"Say a word Will and I'll kill you…" Willow sighed but kept quiet.

"Anyway as I was saying I ran into Spike last night and we got talking about record companies and it turns out that his uncle just happens to be the manager of Doyle records…" She heard them all gasp in excitement and Buffy's smile grew bigger.

"And before you all get too worked up he's not in the country at the moment and he won't be back for the next 12 months. But Spike said that if we write some more songs and do up a demo tape that he could make sure his uncle would take a look.. What do you ya think?"

They where all silent for what seemed like forever as she held her breath waiting for there response, when suddenly they all started jumping around screaming and hugging each other.

"Oh my God Buffy it's really going to happen. We could be famous!" Cordy screamed hugging her; Buffy hugged her friend back tightly.

"I know I know. We just need to come up with some more material." She said letting go of her.

"Well go do your song write-y thing then." Anya ordered pointing to the stairs.

"Calm down Anya we have 12 months remember?" Buffy watched in amusement as her friend pouted.

"Oh my god Buffy can you believe this I mean the statistic probability of running into someone who is related to a manager who runs a record company is like…like." She watched as Fred's brow furrowed a sure sign she was doing calculations in her head.

"Fred chill we don't need numbers…we need to come together and nail this. We have this, this is our ticket."

"Yeah!" All the girls cheered at once then collapsed into fits of laughter. Their dream was finally becoming a reality and it was all thanks to Spike. The person she had been crushing on for years. The person that was now her friend. Yet he didn't ask for anything in return and seemed to just give and give to her. She just hoped one day she could be truly open to him.


	5. The beauty in breaking down Part 1

The beauty in breaking down part 1

The beauty in breaking down part 1

Buffy couldn't believe how well things had been going. It had been two months since they had found out about their potential record deal. Band practice in particular had become a time to chill and reflect on things. With some glee Buffy realised that her grades were steadily going up and best of all she had been spending more time with Spike, something she thought she would never get sick of. They had been to parties and he had even taken her to the beach a few times. Of course everyone else had usually been there with them, so Buffy tried not to make a big deal out of it. Nothing had even come close to happening between them even though she always found herself being pulled to him. She didn't know whether to be glad or concerned at this.

Today she had arranged to go over to "hang" with Spike since she had no classes on. He had called her earlier to ask her to come over as soon as she was able. She had franticly rushed around the dorm, trying to find something suitable to wear, finally settling on a pair of acid washed jeans and a blue tank top. She took her time walking over there, telling herself the whole way that it was no big deal. When she arrived at the house she took a deep breath before reaching out and knocking on the front door. After hearing footsteps run to the front door she was confronted with the door being swung open to Spike standing in the frame of the door dripping wet, wearing only a towel around his waist. Buffy felt her face warm as she stared at him, droplets of water making their way down his perfectly chiselled chest.

"Hey Summers you coming in?" He asked her moving aside slightly. Gulping she realised there was no way she was going to get past without touching him in some way. She nodded and stepped forward and sure enough her elbow rubbed across his wet, hard abdominal muscles. She inwardly shivered not quite believing the effect he was consistently having on her. He closed the door before turning to her.

"I'm just going to get in to some dry clothes. Meet you in my room?"

"Um, ok." She replied. Spike headed for the bathroom and Buffy watched him go, trying not to stare at his arse though the towel. When he disappeared down the hall she made her way to his room trying to pull herself together. She slumped down onto his neatly made bed and waited. She ended up lying on her stomach and gazing at one of the posters Spike had pinned up on the wall. She heard footsteps coming down the hall and her head instantly snapped to the door. Spike stood in the doorway with a towel in hand. He had on his usual black jeans and tight black t-shirt but Buffy couldn't help but stare at him.

"You okay Buffy?" He raised his eyebrow at her and she just knew he had busted her. At that moment she wished that the ground would open up and swallow her whole but it didn't. So she did the next best thing.

"Yeah I'm fine. You rang before remember said to come over as soon as I could?" She sat up and dangled her feet off the bed, trying not to stare at the way his shirt clung to his body. He walked into the room and dropped his towel on the floor, his focus still clearly on her.

"Um yeah that. My uncle called me this morning and I told him about you guys. He seemed quite interested and is looking forward to listening to your demo tape when he gets back. He said that if you are good as I say you are you're a shoe in for a contract."

"Oh my god!" She screamed leaping from the bed crushing him with all the strength she could muster. Taken by surprise, Spike lost his balance and fell, twisting so he landed squarely on his back on the bed. Buffy laid on top of him for the moment her head giddy from the news. Her lips were dangerously close to his ear.

"Thank you, thank you so much." She whispered. Spike could have sworn her lips actually grazed his ear lobe. Buffy arched her back to look at him, his blue eyes twinkling back at her. Her heart began to beat faster as Spike reached up and tucked a loose hair behind her ear before he let his hand caress the side of her face.

"You're beautiful you know that?" he whispered as he ran a finger across her lower lip. Buffy shuttered at the contact but had no time to enjoy this small pleasure as at that moment a memory flooded her mind.

_iShe was sitting on the grass out the front of the university, Parker sitting beside her. He was currently checking out some blonde with big breasts. Her right eye was swollen and black and she could still taste the blood from her swollen split lip. The blonde disappeared out of view and Parker turned his attention to her. With a blinding movement he grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her roughly towards him. She almost cried out from the pain and closed her eyes in a small act of defiance._

"_Look at me!" He hissed at her. Reluctantly she opened her eyes only to be confronted with his practically laughing at her. He ran his thumb over her lip before he spoke._

"_You're beautiful you know that?" He said before painfully crushing her lips with his own./i_

As Buffy came out of her memory she could feel Spike's lips grazing hers so softy, begging for some kind of sign from her. She looked at him, startled for a moment before she got up and started for the door. Spike inwardly groaned. She had no idea how crazy she was driving him. But he knew she needed time. Buffy stopped short of the door and turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry I… I just can't." She explained shakily. He sat up to look at her.

"Its fine really I understand. Buffy if you ever need to talk you can trust me… you know that right?" Buffy nodded her head.

"Thanks. I need time."

"I understand luv really." Spike realised more then ever that he needed to change where this conversation was going and fast. She already looked like a deer caught in headlights and the last thing that he wanted to do was scare her away completely.

"So did you hear me and the guys are getting a band together?"

"Really? That's great!" Spike felt himself relax as she walked back into the room, the previous altercation forgotten. She plopped herself down onto the bed and crossed her legs. Her face was covered in interest, wanting to know more.

"Yeah it was all Oz's idea. Wes is going to manage us."

"Like that is any surprise." Buffy giggled. Spike nodded.

"He claimed that he didn't want to be the sissy hanging in the background doing nothing. Um, who else? Oh Riley is going to be on the keyboard and Angel is going to be on lead guitar. Xander is going to be the drummer…" Buffy laughed at this.

"Always knew he liked smashing things."

"Tell me about it; have you seen all the holes in the walls here? I swear there is a new one every week! Ah..hmm. Oz is going to be our bass guitarist and I was voted in as lead singer. Unanimous decision. All the other boys claim they couldn't hold a note if their life depended on it."

"I can understand that, I heard Angel singing in the shower once, so not his thing. Have you guys come up with a name yet?"

"Funny you ask. Oz actually wants to call out band The Dingos Ate my Baby. I tend not to disagree; I think its kinda fitting for us lot." Buffy smiled at this, her green eyes twinkling with mischief.

"It is strange but I like it all the same. Hey! You know I could talk to Devon at the Bronze, he is the manager there. I could see if he could put you guys on one night, when you're ready of course."

"Thanks Buffy that would be great. How goes the song writing with you anyway?"

"Me and the girls are actually going to play another Slayer original tonight at the Bronze. You should come." Spike looked down at his feet, silently cursing himself again. He had forgotten all about them performing tonight.

"I can't I… um… I kinda have this thing tonight. A date kinda thing."

"Oh…" Buffy felt her heart clench in her chest. She stood and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Spike felt terrible.

"But you know we could swing by. If you want. You know to hear you play." He tried to reason with her. But he knew it was too late, she already had that pained look in her eye.

"No that's okay… I… I should go. I have study to catch up on… have a good time tonight." She muttered, glancing at her empty wrist and walked out the bedroom door. Spike grimaced as he heard the front door shut behind her. One step forward and two steps backwards as it always seemed to be with her. He knew he had to go to her gig tonight. To the very minimum to show that he actually really did give a damn.

By the time the girls had finished setting up it was border lining 8:30. The club seemed to be filling up quickly as Buffy scanned the crowd. But her heart leapt up into her throat when she seen a familiar bleach blonde walk towards the stage with a familiar blonde clinging to him for dear life. She almost gagged before turning to head back stage to grab her guitar. She heard Cordelia come up behind her who had just finished chugging down a bottle of soda. Tossing the can into the trash she turned her attention to her friend.

"Hey Buffy what's biting at you? You seem a little tense."

"Nothing I'm fine." She bit back.

"Yep sure and I'm the Queen of Sheba." Buffy turned to her friend with her eyebrow cocked and a look of are you kidding me written all over her face. Cordelia returned the look and Buffy finally caved.

"Spike's here with his date." She spat.

"Date? What date?"

"That scrag Harmony. Can you believe that? I mean I thought he had better taste then that. Harmony is an air head for Christ's sake. I mean she would be lucky to have like, half a brain." Buffy ranted on. Cordelia bit her lip to contain the smile that was threatening to burst forward. No time like the present to nudge her a little about how she really felt about Spike.

"Why so bent out of shape? I thought you where just friends."

"We b**are/b** just friends. I just thought he had better taste in women is all." Buffy huffed reaching for her guitar. Denial was a strong emotion.

"If you say so." Cordelia replied before following Buffy back out to the stage.

Buffy stepped up to the microphone, purposefully ignoring Spike's intense gaze on her as she rallied up the crowd. As Faith counted the band in for the first song, Spike felt a sharp tug on his shirt.

"Spikey, come dance with me."

"Not now. I want to listen."

"But Blondie bear…" She pleaded, poking out her bottom lip. It did nothing to help her though.

"Harm I said no!" He didn't usually snap at people like that let alone women but she had been driving him up the wall all night with her pleading and begging. He hadn't even known why he had agreed to go on the date with her really. He knew nothing would come out of it; his heart was already set on the blonde performing on stage. Sighing he watched as a shocked Harmony let go of his arm and drifted out to the dance floor by herself. He turned his attention back to the reason he had come here in the first place, to watch Buffy perform.


	6. The beauty in breaking down Part 2

For the whole time Buffy was performing, Spike couldn't keep his eyes off her. When the band finally got to the song Buffy had told Spike about earlier, his ears pricked up. Buffy had introduced the song as a dedication to someone she considered a close friend. The song was beautiful, but any fool who listened hard enough could tell it meant a so much more. Spike could see out of the corner of his eye, that his date seemed to be getting along just fine without him. Not that it bothered him; he was too enchanted by the blonde beauty on the stage before him.

With some sorrow, the girls finished early for the night as there was another band booked to play at 10:30pm. The crowd cheered in applause as the girls finished their last song and Spike seized his chance. Walking up to the blonde he had brought with him, he could see she had already moved on.

"Listen Harm it's been," he paused, trying to think of the right word to use. "It been real interesting, but I'm off."

"Whatever," she replied in an off-hand tone, not even looking at him.

Spike shrugged his shoulders and walked away. That went easier then he thought. He turned his thoughts back to Buffy and with a small smile he knew the girls would be almost finished packing up the van.

Spike casually strolled out towards the front of the club, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he headed around the back, his suspicion confirmed. He wasn't at all surprised when he seen all the girls pile into the van except Buffy. He stood back silently, watching the scene unfold before him.

"Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Willow asked, leaning out the passenger window.

"I'm sure Will. See you tomorrow," she waved her friends off, stepping back, her eyes intently watching the van as it drove away. She didn't turn around to leave until the tail lights disappeared around the corner. As she turned, her body connected with something solid.

"Omph!" Buffy looked up to see Spike standing in front of her. He looked so hot, so fine. "God, lurk much?" she snapped instead, her eyes blazing. She had to remember she was still mad at him.

"I wasn't lurking, I was standing. Totally different vibe you know."

"Whatever." Buffy retorted, stepping around him and walking out of the ally towards the main street. Spike mentally kicked himself for not being more thoughtful in his approach with her.

"Buffy wait," he called, running after her. Spike made contact with her shoulder as he reached her. She spun around, hatred seeping from her.

"What?" she snapped.

"What's up with you tonight?" Spike asked, wounded. Buffy looked at him defeated.

"Nothing, look I'm sorry. I'm tired and irritated and I just want coffee, okay?" She didn't wait for an answer; she just turned and kept walking. Not willing to give up easily, Spike walked beside her.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Don't you have a date?" she almost spat the words out at him.

"Who Harmony? She's dumb as a post, I ditched her a while back," he replied, shaking his head at the very thought of her.

"I could have told you that," Buffy grumbled.

"Summers, if I didn't know you any better I would say you were jealous," he joked, laughing lightly.

"I don't get jealous," she snapped back and Spike raised his hands in defeat.

"Okay, okay not jealous. I take it back. How 'bout we step in here and have a nice calm, cup of hot coffee?" Spike gestured to the shop they were standing in front of.

A distinct smell of coffee filled the cool air even at this late hour and Buffy couldn't help but savour the smell. She loved the Espresso Pump; it was her favourite place in the entire world to have coffee. Not that she had been many places.

"Fine," she mumbled, trying to sound uninterested. They walked in together before Spike broke away from Buffy's side, going to the counter and to order. Buffy went to find a table for the two of them, finding one with two armchairs unoccupied.

Gratefully, she sat down and lounged in one of the chairs. She could feel her tense muscles relax into the soft cushioning and Buffy closed her eyes a little, enjoying the feeling. Spike came back with two hot, steaming coffees, placing them on the small table before sitting back in the other armchair.

Buffy opened her eyes at the sound of the cups touching the table. She leaned forward and took a cup, cradling it in her hands, staring into space. Spike kept his gaze locked on her, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

They sat in silence for the longest time before Spike finally said something.

"So, since I have this opportunity, how 'bout you tell me a little bit about yourself." Buffy looked up from her coffee confused.

"Like what?" Spike was glad for the break in the silence so he dug for anything he would give her.

"Oh I dunno. How about where did you grow up or what your family is like. You know, stuff like that."

"Okay … um… I was born in Sunnydale almost 20 years ago…"

"Almost huh? So, your birthday would be coming up then?" Buffy cringed at this little slip in detail.

"It's in May so it's about two months away." Buffy paused, looking across the room before she continued. "I have a younger sister, Dawn and she's in her last year of high school. She's turning 18 in about three weeks so God help us all. Mum owns the local art gallery in town which I'm sure she has told you about. My dad lives in L.A with his 22 year old wife. She was his secretary before my mum divorced him when I was 16." The information of her entire life just seemed to roll off the tip of her tongue without thought or care. Sitting there with Spike made her feel safe, secure.

"Oh Buffy..."

"She sent his arse packing when she found he was cheating on her," she finished, trying to get Spike to understand that it didn't mean a great deal to her. "Um …. I grew up here in Sunnydale with Willow and Xander. In 10th grade Angel, Cordy, Oz and Anya all showed up. Cordelia and Anya then made it their mission to beautify me …. Not sure if it worked but …."

"Well I think you look wonderful just the way you are luv," he smiled sincerely. Buffy flashed him a smile before continuing, trying to ignore his comment.

"That's when we got the band together. Gotta love music class. I graduated at the top ten percent of my class…"

"So why did you stay in Sunnydale?" Spike leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, his gaze intently locked on Buffy as she talked.

"Well, when I finished high school was about the time my mum was having all her health problems. She needed help, not that she would ever admit it. Plus, I didn't want to leave everyone here. So the decision wasn't hard really."

"And your mum, she's okay now?" Spike asked, concerned.

"Yeah she's great; you wouldn't even know she was sick. The doctors were able to remove the tumour she had in her brain successfully and she had no complications afterwards. We just past the one year mark of her operation." Spike could see the relief in Buffy's eyes.

"I'm glad to hear that your mum is ok, she is a nice lady," he smiled, sitting back in his seat. Buffy took a sip of her coffee, wrinkling her nose slightly. Spike realized that he hadn't even touched his and it would probably cold by now.

"And that's me in a nut shell." Buffy set her cup down on the table. It made a dull clunking sound on contact, the only sound between them now. Spike was still trying to process everything she had told him when suddenly he realised she hadn't said anything about Parker or in fact anything about collage.

"Hang on luv, what about the last year and a bit?" Buffy shot him a warning glance before answering.

"Nothing to tell really, just been doing the collage thing."

"Come on Buffy don't hold back on me," he pleaded, wanting for her to let him in.

"Look Spike, I don't want to talk about…about b**that**/b."

"Buffy," she cut him before he had a chance to say anything else, her anger boiling to the surface.

"What are you dense? Did your mum drop you on your head as a kid? I told you I don't want to talk about it... Jesus," she snapped. Buffy then proceeded to rip out a few bills from her purse before slamming them onto the table with a loud slap.

"Here coffee's on me," she retorted before standing and storming out. Spike sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head in his hands. He had done it now; he had pushed her too far and he didn't know how to undo the damage he had done.

~~~*~~~


	7. The beauty in breaking down Part 3

~~~*~~~

Buffy hadn't seen or heard or seen Spike in over a month. She had rung and left messages, pleading him to call back countless times. All she received back was silence. She had realized a few days after the incident at the Espresso Pump that she might have over reacted slightly; after all he was just trying to be there for her. But, she did tell him that she didn't want to talk about it and he kept pressing the issue. Plus, a month of unanswered calls was too much for her to handle right now.

She had gotten a call from Fred moments before, asking her to meet her downtown at the Expresso Pump. She sounded excited, more excited than usual so Buffy guessed it was something rather important. She tried to call Spike again and was met with the same dull answering machine recording. Deciding that she wasn't going to torture herself any more, Buffy slipped on a jacket and headed out to meet Fred.

As she opened the door, she was confronted with Spike standing in the doorway, hand poised, ready to knock on the door.

"Hello Goldilocks," he smiled smugly, lowering his hand. Buffy glared back at him.

"What do you want?" Buffy replied coolly.

"I thought we could grab that coffee," Spike smiled, leaning on the side of the door.

"Sorry, I'm on my way out to meet someone. But this has been fun," Buffy went to step forward but Spike still stood in her way, not even attempting to move. She found herself pressed against him. She breathed in, inhaling his smell, realizing he smelt simply delish.

"Oh yeah and who would that be?" he whispered huskily into her ear. It sent a shiver down her spine but she wasn't about to back down, no matter how good he was making her feel at the moment.

"That, Spike, would be none of your business."

"Oh I think it is luv. It was only four weeks ago that you where on stage serenading me with that beautiful voice of yours," Spike trailed his hand softly down her arm as Buffy ripped her head up, glaring into his soft blue orbs that were filled with so much unspoken emotion.

"Who said the song was for you?"

"Come on now luv, we both know it was," he whispered back at her, reaching his hand and tucking an invisible hair behind her ear. More than anything she wanted to melt into his touch but she wasn't going to make it that easy on him. Not after what he had just put her though for the last month.

"If you think so, Spike."

"Well what was with the messages then?" She could feel his breath ticking the hairs on her neck now, his lips so close to her ear. She inhaled his cologne as she leaned forward, her forehead inching closer to his shoulder. Buffy could feel her skin tingling, his slight touch making her want him, need him.

It was only that little voice inside that told her to get a grip and that she couldn't do this that made her push past him and walk away. She got about a dozen steps away before she turned back around to the now stunned man who was half standing in her doorway.

"Oh and the reason I have been calling, is that Devon wanted me to tell you he has an opening for you and your band, on Saturday night if you were interested. I told him you would call." With that she spun on her heels and stomped off down the hallway. Spike groaned and thumped his head on the door frame. This woman he knew was going to be the death of him.

He reached forward and closed the open door that Buffy had neglected to shut in her haste to leave.

The death of him indeed.

~~~*~~~

Buffy rushed into the coffee shop, her cheeks flushed and ready to apologise. She didn't get a chance however; because the moment Fred caught sight of her she leapt out of her chair and wrapped her friend in a fierce hug.

"Wesley asked me to marry him," Fred squealed.

"Oh my god! Fred that's amazing. Tell me everything," Buffy gushed and gestured to the chairs. Sitting, Fred could barely sit, her excitement flowing off her in waves.

"Oh, Buffy it's like a dream come true! I can't believe it," she said covering her mouth with one hand as she giggled. She went into details about how Wesley had taken her down to the beach and hired out a sail boat for them and that he then sailed the boat around to the place where they had went for their first date before getting down on one knee, proposing.

"I am so happy for you!" Buffy reached over and clasped her hands with her own.

"This brings me to my next question. I wanted to ask you if you would be one of my bridesmaids," Buffy's mouth dropped into a small 'o' of surprise before she let her excitement burst though.

"Yes! Of course I will!" Buffy smiled at her. She was so happy for Fred. She knew that Wesley was a good man. It was then Buffy realized that if she didn't let go of all the pain Parker had inflicted upon her, she would never have the feeling her friend had now.

Disappointment must have flickered across her features, as Fred expression turned to one of concern.

"Well now that I have told you my news, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" Buffy looked up at her, smiling softly.

"I don't know… I mean I do know, I just don't, you know?"

"Not really. I'm thinking it has something to do with Spike though," smiled Fred.

"Yeah," Buffy whispered, lowering her head. "I panicked."

"Oh Buffy it's understandable. I mean after what happened with Parker I'm sure Spike understands that." Buffy looked up at her, a guilty look on her face.

"I called him dense."

"Dense?"

"He was asking me about my life he was pushing for me to tell him what happened with Parker and… I sorta lost my temper and called him dense."

"Buffy, this is Spike where talking about. I'm sure he knows you're just not ready to talk about things just yet."

"But I should be. I mean it's been months, more than months… and if I can't talk about it, I just know it's going to eat away at me. I don't want to turn out to be one of these old ladies that has nothing to show for her life except bitterness."

"Then let yourself go, open up and just say what you're feeling. He's a good man Buffy, he'll listen." Fred reached out and rubbed Buffy's arm comfortingly while Buffy just nodded.

Fred was right. Spike was a good man and if anyone was going to help her though what Parker did to her, it would be him. But the fear Parker had pushed into her ran deep. The very thought of getting close to another male scared her. But she was determined not to let Parker rule her life.

That meant she had to let go of what he did, before it killed her.


	8. Ever the same

**Part 8 **

**Ever the sameEver the same.**

Buffy stood out the front of Spike's place as she knocked on the door waiting for someone to answer it didn't take long for Spike to open the door she looked up at nervously knocked on Spike's front door. She could hear her heart thudding against her chest and she was sure it was going to explode from the anticipation of the situation. However, it didn't take long for the door to swing open with Spike standing there, fitted with a blank expression. It was almost like he was expecting her.

"I'm sorry I called you dense," Buffy blurted out, not really thinking. Relief washed over her in waves whenshe said quickly a small smile appeared on Spike he lips as he stepped a sideaside in the doorway.

"Come in," he gestured. she Buffy walked inside, stopping to wait, not really sure where she was meant to go. Her stomach felt squeamish. Spike shut the door with a soft thud, turning to her.

"There is, err, no one home, would you like to go sit?" Spike gestured to the lounge room. Buffy nodded, her mouth seemingly stuck together with superglue. However, the second she sat, the words she wanted to say began to flow. in as he lead her up to his room they sat next to each other on his bed as she looked at him

"YourYou're not dense Spike. In fact, I think you're great. it'sIt's just, I wasn't ready."

"And you are now?" Spike lent forward, just out of reach. She looked into his eyes, knowing that she was ready to tell him everything about her tourturous time with Parker, taking a much need breath she began her story.

By the time she finished, Buffy could see tears glistening in Spike's eyes. He said nothing; instead, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Then, her own tears falling softly, being absorbed by Spike's shirt. He held her until long after her tears were gone.

All too soon it was time for her to get up from Spike's embrace and get ready for Spike's gig at the Bronze. With one last hug, Buffy left, knowing that for once in her life, things I felt right.

~~~*~*~~~

"I don't know but I know I don't want to turn out to be this bitter old women all alone cause all my friends couldn't stand to be around her, I know I don't want last year the be the centre of my whole life, I know I can trust you" Spike smiled at this but didn't say a word just sat there and gave her time to say what she need too.

"I meet Parker at a frat party not long after I started uni… we where friends, I felt like I could talk to him about anything… after a few weeks of hanging out we started dating and everything was great for the first few months but then he started to get angry cause I wouldn't sleep with him… I was a virgin I am a virgin…" he smiled nodding for her to continue

"The first time he hit me was because I wouldn't sleep with him… I had always promised myself that I would never be one of those women… one of those women who let there boyfriends beat on her so I left him… but he kept sending me flowers saying how sorry he was and that it would never happen again and I believed him so I went back to him… it was okay for about a month until he saw me having lunch with Xander and he yelled at me saying that I was cheating on him and he hit me again but this time it was worse he had broken a few of my ribs and I had to go to hospital… I told everyone I feel but they knew I was lying I would of left then but he said if I left him or told anyone he would go after Dawn and I couldn't let that happen"

"What else happened?" he asked softly she had tears running down her checks as she looked up at him

"He never raped me or tried to until the last time but he… um… he made me do other stuff… to um… pleasure him… I never wanted to do that stuff but I didn't want him to hurt Dawn… he cheated a lot so that kept him off my back most of the time but one day I went home for my mum's birthday and she walked in on me in the shower and saw my bruisers and scars and she put two and two together… I told her what had been happening and what he said about Dawn and she said I had to leave him that her and Connor which is Dawn's long time boyfriend would take care of her… once I knew she would be safe I told Willow that I was leaving him so she waited for me at our dorm room… when I told him it was over he got really mad i had seen hime mad before but never like this… he um… through me into a glass cabinet um… and then he through me onto the bed and started hitting me… I thought my face was going to explode… it hurt so much…. And then he started to chock me and ripping my cloths off… but I had promised my self that, that was the one thing that he could have so I um… hit him is the head with a marble lap he kept beside his bed and I ran… I got to Willow and passed out and then I woke up in hospital … I was sure I was dead, i took off the L.A a week later… he went to jail and I finally came home I promised my self I wouldn't get involved with anyone ...and then I meet you" She finished looking into his eye, He had tears in his eye how could someone have her and do that to her. He rapped hie arms around her whispering sweet nothings in her ear and he tried to soeth her trembling tears, he would hold her forever if she let him.

Buffy sat at a tTable with her friends at the Bbronze. Iit was almost 11 pm now and she was happily listening to Spike and his band perform. They had been performing since 8 pm, only taking a short break in between sets. and theThey were finishing up soon as the club was closing early tonighttonight; the owner was in the middle of doing renovations. As the song faded out, Buffy looked up at Spike, who gave her a quick wink. something about renovations Spikes band had been playing since 8 and so far they had been a hit Spike walked up to the mic Buffy looked up as he begun to talk.

"Just so you guys know, tthe Bbronze will be closing early tonight. for renovations and tThis will be our last song. I hope you all enjoyed our band," The crowd cheered and whistled wildly. "I wrote this next song just yesterdaybefore the show after talking with the most bravestbravest women I know. Buffy, tthis is for you. Buffy, Iit's called ever the same." she Buffy almost feeltoppled off her chair in surpriseseat. But she didn't have time to think as the beat started filling the room. She saw the band members exchange a knowingly look to each other, small smiles gracing each of their features. Buffy could see Spike tapping his foot in time with the song as well as Xander grinning behind his drum set. Then, Spike moved up to the microphone, his voice filling the room. when he said her name

_We were drawn from the weeds_

_We were brave like soldiers_

_Falling down under the pale moonlight_

_You were holding to me_

_Like a someone broken_

_And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now_

Buffy could feel almost the entire room staring at her in awe. Everyone was looking at her, sShe could feel her face going bright red but and her heart was pounding against her chest. But as embarrassed as she was, she concentrated on Spike's sweet message, blocking out the so hard looks of surprise and jealousy the crowd was giving her.

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_

_Just let me hold you so we both fall down_

Spike's eyes found hers, locking with them instantly. These words, were only for her.

_Fall on me_

_Tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you forever in me_

_Ever the same_

A small cheer rose up as the rest of the band played and Spike smiled. He felt it too she had always knew that in a way but after Parker she had always seemed to doubtcould see in Buffy's eyes she still doubted her selfherself. He wanted to show her that trusting him but she knew it would be okay. Sitting there, Buffy could feel that too and decided right there that tonight at the house party would be the time to tell him just that. she knew she could trust Spike and tonight at there celebration party she would tell him just how she felt

_We would stand in the wind_

_We were free like water_

_Flowing down_

_Under the warmth of the sun_

_Now it's cold and we're scared_

_And we've both been shaken_

_Look at us_

_Man, this doesn't need to be the end_

Spike looked into her eyes god knows knew he was taking a hugea risk with her, knowinghe knew this could back fire on him and end badly. Bbut by the look in her eyes as she looked up at him, he knew somehow everything he was going to be okay.

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_

_Just let me hold you so we both fall down_

_Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_Call on me_

_I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me_

_Forever it's you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

Buffy could feel the fear tingle at the base of her spine as she watched the rest of the band fully submerged in the musical melody they put forth and sheShe felt like she should be running scared. She remembered after all the she promise she had made tod herselfherself, which was she wouldn't get involved with anyone ever again. Ibut it had all happened so fast though, all theirre time together at the beach, parties and it had just happened she had., This was something she knew she had no control over. It was her heart guiding her now, not her head. it

_You may need me there_

_To carry all your weight_

_But you're no burden I assure_

_You tide me over_

_With a warmth I'll not forget_

_But I can only give you love_

Oz's voice backed him up perfectly and Spike watched Buffy swaying slightly to the song. He knew he had to thank the rest of the men in the band for putting this together so quickly. He spared a quick glance around at the rest of the crowd, which were also swaying, some even with their arms above their heads. His gaze washed back over to Buffy and he realized he had not been surprised when he found himself falling more and more for this girl everydayevery day. they spent together but Hhe knew he couldn't walk away from her nownow; he was already so much in love with her.

_Fall on me_

_Tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_Call on me_

_I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me_

_Forever it's you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

Buffy felt herself mesmerized by the words spilling from Spike's lips, her eyes only for him now.

_Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_Forever the same_

Yes, Spike realized, he was so very much in love with Buffy and he hoped when she saw that and she wouldn't run in fear. He could see the fear in there still, his will power not strong enough to make it disappear like he wished. Vaguely, he watched Angel step forward and take control of the song, his face lighting up at his chance to be noticed. Still, Spike's eyes were only for Buffy.

_Oh yeah_

Spike bowed his head, sparing a glance back at the rest of his band as Riley played the last chord out on the keyboard. He was grinning he realized, not being this happy in so long. The crowed went wild as the song finishedfinished giving them a standing ovation. Spike smiled sheepishly out at the crowd. they had really been a hit and Buffy had to admit they where really good

"Thank you guys for coming. use have been great I hope you alluse enjoyed yourselves. Hhave yourselves a good night!" With that, Spike said she watched him jumped down off the stage and walked directly to to her Sshe stood to meet him, not thinking, her breath catching in her throat.

"Hey," he said as he reached her. His smile was wide, warm and inviting.

"Hey," she replied looking down, shy all of the sudden. beifliey

"Are you coming to the after party?"

"Yeah,"

"Cool… um maybe we could talk when you get there."

"That would be great."

"See you there then,Cool" he smiled, turning back and walking back up to the stage. Buffy hung her head, her face scarlet. as he turned to walk away s She could see all the girls giggling out of the corner of her eye. Just then, she laughed softly then she felt a finger under her chin. Moving her head upward she could see Spike before her, his eyes soft, inviting. He cupped his hands around her cheeks, drawing her in. As their lips touched, Buffy could feel her head spinning. All too soon Spike pulled away, leaving her longing for more. she looked up facing Spike who was now standing in front of her again his hand cupped her face as he leant in kissing her softly she felt like she was dieing he pulled away slowly Ssmiling at her softly, Spike turned once again to the stage and Buffy watched as he walked off. His walk was confident, happy. Buffy sighed contently as he walked back on stage, ; knowing thattonight would be interesting later would be worth waiting for.

When Buffy arrived at the boy's house, she could see that the party was already in full swing. Music blared noisily from unknown speakers and people were bunched together, talking and laughing, some with red plastic cups in their hands. Of course they were late, Cordelia insisted on going home to change her outfit for the party. Willow, who was driving, reluctantly agreed, knowing that she wouldn't have heard the end of it if she didn't. But the moment they were out of the car, Buffy found herself all alone. She knew both girls had made a bee line straight to their men and she couldn't help but feel a slight tingle herself. Stepping inside the crowded doorway, she scanned the crowd, looking for Spike. However she couldn't see him anywhere. Just as she was about to give up, she spotted Riley out of the corner of her walked into the guys house to see it was packing people where every where she had court a ride with Willow and Cordy but the had made a bee line straight to find the boyfriend she was looking around for anyone she knew more then anything she wanted to find Spike and have that talk. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Riley she walked over to him.

"Riley!" Buffy gushed with relief. His familiar face soothed her some.

"Hey Buffy," he greeted her, his voice light.

""HeyL looks like the parties in full swing."

"Yeah, you're telling me. Ttell you the truth I have no idea who half of these people are."

Buffyshe laughed at that.

"Do you want aWant a drink?" he asked her. Something to calm her nerves would be good or, something to give her courage.

"Ah, yYeah that would be greata drink would be great. Got any tequila?something with tequila in it"

"On the waySay no more," he replied. Riley swiftly made his way to the as he went to the bar and moments later he was back, handing her a glass of tequila and orange juice.

"Thanks" ." Buffy toasted the glass into the air before taking a sip. The orange juice and tequila caressed her tongue as she swallowedshe said taking the drink, the familiar burn forming at the back of her throat.

"So, how did you like your song?"

"It was beautiful," she gushed."

"That it was," Faith said interjected, coming up from behind, seemingly out of nowhere from the crowd and Riley wrapping her arms around Riley. him

"I have to wounder why you never sing to me," she cooed,said looking up at Riley, her eyes dancing with mischief.

"Well babe that's cause I can't sing. Besides, but you know you're the most beautiful thing in the whole world to me," he repliedsaid sweetly to heras Faithshe lent up to kissing him.

"I'll leave you guys to it," Buffy blushed, feeling bad for interrupting the couple., d"Do you know where I can could find Spike?" they brokeok away brifilybriefly.

"Yeah, just seen him, hhe i's in his room getting ready. you can go up there I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you go up there to see him." Riley nodded knowingly.

"Thanks Riley," she replied, turning away but not fast enough to miss the couple locking lips once more as she headed up the stairs.

"You behave B," she hured Faith called out after her. sheBuffy turned around and pockeding her tongue out playfully at her friend, Faith of course just laughed and turned back to her as she watched Faith laugh.

It didn't take Buffy long toShe reached Spike's room. As she approached the closed door when she could hear muffledured noises coming from inside. Sshe started to wounder whetherif he was talking to himself and then she huredwhen she heard a loud thuoud. Panicked, she swung open the door she was confronted with Spike laying on the floor with Harmony, half naked, laying on top of him, their lips locked. walking in thinking something had happened to him only to find him on the floor with a half naked Harmony laying on top of him as they kissed.

"Oh god," Buffy whispered as her glass felel from her hands, and shatteringed on impact. Both faces immediately snapped to her. It was Harmony that first spoke. the floor they looked up at her

"If you don't mind, whe're in the middle of something," her voice came out like venom. The words seemed to snap out Spike out of his stupor however as he tried to push Harmony off him. He managed to get loose, tossing Harmony a side and scrambled up to Buffy. Harmony grinned at herself, her face smug as she re-adjusted her shirt. spat at her Spike struggled as he pushes her off him walking over to Buffy

"Buffy itsit's not what it looks like, please luv luv believe that. sShe through threw her self on me. I was trying to push her away when you walked in," his eyes were pleading as Buffy's stung with tears. Pushing the hurt down, she morphed it to anger, directing it straight at looked up at him tears in her eyes and fire quickly following behind them

"Oh please, like your gods gift," she hissed, finally finding her legs and walking off down the hall. She didn't get far when she felt Spike grab her around the arm. He was careful not to grab her too hard as he didn't want to frighten back down the hall he grabbed her arm before she got to far turning her to look at him

"Buffy I'm telling the truth."

"Was it all just a big joke to get me to trust you? Tto feel for you so you and your buddies could have a big laugh latter poor stupid little Buffy?" Buffy could feel her voice rising, threatening to crack but with all the noise coming from downstairs, people didn't blink twice.

"No luv, it's not a joke. I really do care about you," Spike ran his hand though his hair, frustrated. s"She walked into my room while I was getting dressed, I told her to sod off but she just jumped me like a wild animal."

"I've hured heard enough," Buffy whisperedshe turning once again to the heSpike turned her back to face him but Buffy yanked she pulled her arm free.

"Don't touch me, just stay the hell away from me I have better things to do with my time then to waste it on you," she spat ,at him as she storminged off down the stairs and faded into the party, her mind fixated on the bottle of tequila down at the bar.. She did have better things to do she was going to find that tequila bottle and finish it off.

Buffy and Faith had been sitting at the bar slowly doing shot after shot for the last three hour and a halfs. The brief periods where they did leave, it wasn't far only to dance to a song that caught Buffy's attention. Unlike Buffy, Faith could hold her liqureliquor pretty well. She was watching Buffy well though and when they come to sit down from dancing again, Faith seized the chance. but Buffy was now very drunk

"So come on B, what's going on? I mean you're not actually the drinking kind," Buffy looked up at her friend, swaying slightly even though she was seated on a stool.

"He, him, I. I Wwalked in and he's with her… that dumb blonde."

"He who? And what blonde?" If Buffy hadn't been so drunk, Faith would have been amused.

"Him!" she yelled slightly swing around to point at Spike, only to have her hand smack him right in the face. Buffy collapsed into a fit of giggles, slumping into the bar.

"Thanks for that luv," he was standing behind her looking unamused with RileySpike murmured, remaining still. Riley had just found Spike up in his room and had brought him down to help find out what was going on. Riley was none too pleased with the present situation. Finally, Buffy's giggles subsided enough for her to speak.

"You deserved it," she retorted, her tone cold and flat. she slurredBuffy tipped the shot glass up to her mouth, disappointed when she found it empty. She made a sour face and shoved the shot glass back to Faith. Spike looked at Faith who lightly nodded her head.

"Okay luv, I think you have had just about enough," he said putting his arms under hers lifting her off the chair. Buffy she pulled free wiggled from his grasp.

"I'm not talking to you remember? Nnow just buzz off Mr kisses face," she replied, as she stumblinged through the crowd and before she realized it, up the stairs. . Spike was right behind her and he almost laughed when Buffy pushed his door open and stumbled into the room. He got to the door just as Buffy threw herself on his reached her just as she headed into his room she throwing herself onto his bed

"Good bed, just got to stop everything spinning," he heard herBuffy mumbled, her eyes heavy. It wasn't long before she fell asleep. Spike smiled, covering her with a blanket and removing her shoes before shutting the door and making himself comfortable on the computer chair. as she fell asleep he smiled at her before covering her with a blanket and taking a seat on his computer chair.

Buffy awoke the next morning with hera pounding head ace, head pounding. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, trying to figure out where she was and what happened the night before. She tried re-tracing her steps in her head, remembering being at the Bronze, coming to the party and coming to look for Spike. She gazed up at the ceiling; the images came back so clearly now, her walking into Spike's room finding a half naked Harmony all over Spike. Spike trying to apologize but instead she chose to drown her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Buffy rolled her head to the side, groaning before spotting Spike asleep in his computer chair. How on earth did she end up in Spike's bed??

she adjusted her eyes to her surroundings god what had she done last night, she remembered going to the bronze and the going to the party but what had happened? And the she remembered going into Spikes room seeing him on the floor kissing a half naked Harmony and then drinking tequila shots with Faith for the rest of the night, god why had she been stupid enough to take shots one or two mixed drinks she could take but she had never had shots before and for good reason Buffy and alcohol just didn't mix.

She sat up silently in bed, looking over at a sleeping Spike, not daring to breathe. She pondered for a moment on how Spike was able to sleep in the computer chair before sliding out of the bed and silently picking up her shoes, quickly slipping them on. She glanced at Spike again; contemplating that he might have actually been telling her the truth.

Then, an all too familiar voice filled her head, instantly flattening her hope in one fatal swoop.

'_Get real Buffy, like he would be interested in you. Like anyone would be interested in you,'_ Parker's voice rang in her ears as she bolted out the door, not even bothering to look back. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and her eyes stung with tears as the devil in her chastised her all the way back to her dorm.

NOTE: Don't forget to credit Rob Thomas in other your Author's notes or the end note. OMG, did I really make it 8 pages long?? And that is with cutting almost a whole page out! OMG!! Hope you like what I did to stood up slowly careful not to wake him but she wondered how he could sleep in a computer chair anyway, she walked across the room slipping her shoes on how could she be so stupid thinking Spike could really like her, maybe he was telling the truth maybe Harmony had taking him by surprise and thrown herself at him "Get real Buff he's a man and he could never be into you look at you be realistic beside you have always been naive" Buffy hured Parkers voice ring in her ear she grabbed her hand bag off the table taking one last look at him before walking out the door.


	9. Harmony

**Chapter 9**

**Harmony.**

When Buffy arrived at the boy's house, she could see that the party was already in full swing. Music blared noisily from unknown speakers and people were bunched together, talking and laughing, some with red plastic cups in their hands. Of course they were late, Cordelia insisted on going home to change her outfit for the party. Willow, who was driving, reluctantly agreed, knowing that she wouldn't have heard the end of it if she didn't. But the moment they were out of the car, Buffy found herself all alone. She knew both girls had made a bee line straight to their men and she couldn't help but feel a slight tingle herself. Stepping inside the crowded doorway, she scanned the crowd, looking for Spike. However she couldn't see him anywhere. Just as she was about to give up, she spotted Riley out of the corner of her eye.

"Riley!" Buffy gushed with relief. His familiar face soothed her some.

"Hey Buffy," he greeted her, his voice light.

"Looks like the parties in full swing."

"Yeah, you're telling me. Tell you the truth I have no idea who half of these people are."

Buffy laughed at that.

"Want a drink?" he asked her. Something to calm her nerves would be good or, something to give her courage.

"Ah, yeah a drink would be great. Got any tequila?"

"Say no more," he replied. Riley swiftly made his way to the bar and moments later he was back, handing her a glass of tequila and orange juice.

"Thanks." Buffy toasted the glass into the air before taking a sip. The orange juice and tequila caressed her tongue as she swallowed, the familiar burn forming at the back of her throat.

"So, how did you like your song?"

"It was beautiful," she gushed.

"That it was," Faith interjected, coming up from behind, seemingly out of nowhere from the crowd and wrapping her arms around Riley.

"I have to wonder why you never sing to me," she cooed, looking up at Riley, her eyes dancing with mischief.

"Well babe that's cause I can't sing. Besides, you know you're the most beautiful thing in the whole world to me," he replied sweetly as Faith lent up to kiss him.

"I'll leave you guys to it," Buffy blushed, feeling bad for interrupting the couple. "Do you know where I could find Spike?" they broke away briefly.

"Yeah, just seen him, he is in his room getting ready. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you go up there to see him." Riley nodded knowingly.

"Thanks Riley," she replied, turning away but not fast enough to miss the couple locking lips once more as she headed up the stairs.

"You behave B," Faith called out after her. Buffy turned around and poked her tongue out playfully at her friend, Faith of course just laughed and turned back to Riley.

It didn't take Buffy long to reach Spike's room. As she approached the closed door she could hear muffled noises coming from inside. She started to wonder whether he was talking to himself when she heard a loud thud. Panicked, she swung open the door she was confronted with Spike laying on the floor with Harmony, half naked, laying on top of him, their lips locked.

"Oh god," Buffy whispered as her glass fell from her hands, shattering on impact. Both faces immediately snapped to her. It was Harmony that first spoke.

"If you don't mind, we're in the middle of something," her voice came out like venom. The words seemed to snap Spike out of his stupor however as he tried to push Harmony off him. He managed to get loose, tossing Harmony a side and scrambled up to Buffy. Harmony grinned at herself, her face smug as she re-adjusted her shirt.

"Buffy it's not what it looks like, please luv believe that. She threw herself on me. I was trying to push her away when you walked in," his eyes were pleading as Buffy's stung with tears. Pushing the hurt down, she morphed it to anger, directing it straight at Spike.

"Oh please, like your gods gift," she hissed, finally finding her legs and walking off down the hall. She didn't get far when she felt Spike grab her around the arm. He was careful not to grab her too hard as he didn't want to frighten her.

"Buffy I'm telling the truth."

"Was it all just a big joke to get me to trust you? To feel for you so you and your buddies could have a big laugh later, poor stupid little Buffy?" Buffy could feel her voice rising, threatening to crack but with all the noise coming from downstairs, people didn't blink twice.

"No luv, it's not a joke. I really do care about you," Spike ran his hand though his hair, frustrated. "She walked into my room while I was getting dressed, I told her to sod off but she just jumped me like a wild animal."

"I've heard enough," Buffy whispered turning once again to the stairs. Spike turned her back to face him but Buffy yanked her arm free.

"Don't touch me, just stay the hell away from me I have better things to do with my time then to waste it on you," she spat ,storming off down the stairs and faded into the party, her mind fixated on the bottle of tequila down at the bar.

Buffy and Faith had been sitting at the bar slowly doing shot after shot for the last hour and a half. The brief periods where they did leave, it wasn't far only to dance to a song that caught Buffy's attention. Unlike Buffy, Faith could hold her liquor pretty well. She was watching Buffy well though and when they come to sit down from dancing again, Faith seized the chance.

"So come on B, what's going on? I mean you're not actually the drinking kind," Buffy looked up at her friend, swaying slightly even though she was seated on a stool.

"He, him, I. Walked in and he's with her… that dumb blonde." She spat.

"He who? And what blonde?" If Buffy hadn't been so drunk, Faith would have been amused.

"Him!" she yelled slightly swing around to point at Spike, only to have her hand smack him right in the face. Buffy collapsed into a fit of giggles, slumping into the bar.

"Thanks for that luv," Spike murmured, remaining still. Riley had just found Spike up in his room and had brought him down to help find out what was going on. Riley was none too pleased with the present situation. Finally, Buffy's giggles subsided enough for her to speak.

"You deserved it," she retorted, her tone cold and flat. Buffy tipped the shot glass up to her mouth, disappointed when she found it empty. She made a sour face and shoved the shot glass back to Faith. Spike looked at Faith who lightly nodded her head.

"Okay luv, I think you have had just about enough," he said putting his arms under hers lifting her off the chair. Buffy wiggled from his grasp.

"I'm not talking to you remember? Now just buzz off Mr kisses face," she replied, stumbling through the crowd and before she realized it, up the stairs. Spike was right behind her and he almost laughed when Buffy pushed his door open and stumbled into the room. He got to the door just as Buffy threw herself on his bed.

"Good bed just got to stop everything spinning," Buffy mumbled her eyes heavy. It wasn't long before she fell asleep. Spike smiled, covering her with a blanket and removing her shoes before shutting the door and making himself comfortable on the computer chair.

Buffy awoke the next morning with her head pounding. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, trying to figure out where she was and what happened the night before. She tried re-tracing her steps in her head, remembering being at the Bronze, coming to the party and coming to look for Spike. She gazed up at the ceiling; the images came back so clearly now, her walking into Spike's room finding a half naked Harmony all over Spike. Spike trying to apologize but instead she chose to drown her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Buffy rolled her head to the side, groaning before spotting Spike asleep in his computer chair. How on earth did she end up in Spike's bed??

She sat up silently, looking over at Spike, not daring to breathe. She pondered for a moment on how Spike was able to sleep in the computer chair before sliding out of the bed and silently picking up her shoes, quickly slipping them on. She glanced at Spike again; contemplating that he might have actually been telling her the truth.

Then, an all too familiar voice filled her head, instantly flattening her hope in one fatal swoop.

'_Get real Buffy, like he would be interested in you. Like anyone would be interested in you,'_ Parker's voice rang in her ears as she bolted out the door, not even bothering to look back. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and her eyes stung with tears as the devil in her chastised her all the way back to her dorm.


	10. Keeping promises

_**Chapter 10**_

_**Keeping promises.**_

The next morning, Buffy woke up only to be nursing a massive hangover. Groaning, she rose from her bed and sort out some pain killers before preparing herself a large breakfast. It wasn't till about half an hour later and a hot shower that she started to feel a bit better. She had left Spike's house over two hours ago now and she still hadn't heard from him. While she desperately wanted to believe it was all just a misunderstanding she couldn't stop the chatter in her head that said, if it was simply a misunderstanding, why hadn't he even bothered to call and pled his case again?

Her thoughts where cut short when her phone rang. She scrambled off the bed, snatching up the receiver at the thought of it being Spike.

"Hello," she said sounding overly enthusiastic.

"Hello is this Miss Buffy Summers?" she heard a voice say, she sighed inwardly with disappointment.

"It is."

"Miss Summers, this is Frances Doyle from Doyle Records."

"Oh my god," she gasped softly and she heard him chuckle softly. She felt the blood rise up to her cheeks.

"I got your number off my nephew, William. From what he has said about you and your band, I am quite keen to hear your demo tape. If you could just give me the address where you're staying, I'll have my courier pick up a copy today." Buffy tried to stay calm as she processed this information. This was her dream, he wanted their demo tape, and he wanted to hear their music. Her mind spinning, she took a much needed calming breath before she finally replied.

"Ah, sure. No problem. The address is,1630 Revello Drive, Sunnydale California," Buffy replied sprouting off her mother's home address. She figured it would be easier for the courier to pick it up there rather then from the dorm room. There were already several copies of the demo tapes at the house. She had seen many couriers before on the U.C Sunnydale campus lost, trying to find the right dorm room.

"Now, the reason I'm asking for it so soon is because I have had to cancel my break. I'll heading for Europe for six months to promote another band. I am hoping on return that if I am pleased with what I hear I will come straight to Sunnydale after my trip to hear you play in person. You must understand Miss Summers, from the way my nephew spoke about your band I would love to get the ball rolling as soon as I can."

"Of course Mr Doyle, I completely understand."

"Now, at the present time I am unable to say for certain when I'll be able to hear you live, but I will know for sure about a month before I get back from Europe. I can contact you then with the details if you like."

"That sounds great, I don't mind waiting," Buffy agreed. After a few more words exchanged, they said their goodbyes. Placing the phone back in its cradle she was shaking so hard with excitement, with one thing going though her mind. She had to go tell the girls, now. She grabbed her hand bag off her bed and swung open the door to be confronted with two police officers. She recognized one of them immediately and her stomach filled with dread.

"Officer Gunn, what's going on?" she asked, panic filling her voice.

"Miss Summers, this is my partner Officer McClay. We have orders to get you out of here as fast as possible. I am sorry to inform you that Mr Abrams escaped from prison early this morning. Buffy's excitement evaporated as she realised that her worst nightmare had come true. Her panic turned to fear, the colour drained from her face and her hands began to shake.

He was out and she knew exactly where he would come first. He would come straight for her.

"Oh god… my friends, my family… Dawn!" Buffy wrung her hands together, her mind spinning with possibilities.

"We have already have officers with your mother and sister. Your friends Miss Rosenberg, Mr Harris and Mr Ozbourne are all waiting in the hall for us, near the front entrance. I must insist we go now," he informed her, ushering her out the door.

Buffy shut and locked her door, clutching her bag and peering down the hall in a desperate attempt to see her friends. She walked between the two officers down the empty hall and suddenly Buffy thought of Spike. She had the most overwhelming feeling of wanting to see him, wishing he was here with her, holding her hand. As if on que, Spike came walking down the hall, straight towards her.

"Buffy, we need to talk," he said, not fazed by the two officers at her side.

"Spike!" she yelped, leaping into his arms. After holding him tightly for a few seconds she reluctantly let go, looking up at him, the fear once more filling her.

"Miss Summers, we really need to get you out of here, it's not safe," Officer McClay stressed, encouraging the two to continue walking towards the exit. Officer Gunn planted himself firmly in front of the others, looking increasingly nervous. Buffy ushered Spike in Officer Gunn's direction with Officer McClay coming up on the rear.

"Buffy, luv, what's going on?"

"Parker broke out of prison this morning," she whimpered, her green eyes glistening with fear. Spike wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently.

"Don't worry luv, I won't let him hurt you," he whispered as they turned the corner, her friends coming into view.

"It's not me I'm worried about," she replied looking up at him concerned. Spike simply nodded his head as Buffy's friends rushed over to them.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked clearly panicked.

"I'm fine, but we should leave."

"I agree," Officer Gunn replied. He raised his radio to his mouth. "We have the packages."

The group stepped outside, following Officer Gunn's lead. They were all stopped short when Parker stepped out from behind a tree, taking everyone by surprise. He held a gun in his right hand, pointing it straight at Buffy, his eyes black with anger.

"You think you could just do that to me, like you think I would let you get away with that? Do you?? Well, think again!" Parker screamed.

"Police!" Officer Gunn roared, drawing his weapon.

Parker took no note of the officer, instead he took another step forward, his eye sight focused on Buffy and her friends. Buffy knew that look. Fearing the worse, she shoved Xander to the ground, not even thinking about her own safety. Then, she felt two strong arms tackling her face first to the ground, covering her body protectively. Her body landed heavily onto the pavement as a series of gun shots rang out. It was followed by screaming, then, silence.

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes slowly and looked around the best she could, her body still pinned. That's when she heard Willow shrill voice filled with panic.

"Oh my God Oz, Oz speak to me! Are you ok? Oh my God Buffy, Oz has been shot!" Buffy's heart broke at the sound of her best friend's fear laced voice.

"I'm okay Willow, it feels strange... kinda hurts," Oz murmured, looking down at his grazed right arm. Buffy sighed in relief as she watched the couple slowly stand together.

"Xander?" Buffy called out.

"I'm fine, I'm of the good," he replied. She saw a pair of black shoes walk up beside her and Officer Gunn's face came into view, his face covered with concern.

"Miss Summers, the ambulance is on the way. Try not to move, your losing a lot of blood."

"Blood? What blood?" she asked, noticing for the first time that Spike was still on top of her but not moving.

"Spike?" she whispered, twisting her body around so she could see his face. It was deathly pale, his breathing shallow and his eyes closed. It was then she felt a gush of blood run down her side and she gasped in fear.

"It's not me, its Spike! Oh my God, he's been shot!" Her eyes stung with tears as she slid from under him with Officer Gunn's help before they rolled Spike onto his back and putting pressure on the wound that was just below his shoulder.

"Spike please wake up, look at me, please don't leave me," she sobbed.

Buffy was vaguely aware of Officer McClay talking on the radio requesting emergency assistance. But her heart froze when she heard the officer mention the Coroner. Buffy instinctively looked at Spike, then towards the direction she had last seen Parker. He was laying on his back not too far away from the tree had stepped out from, not moving, his shirt and the grass surrounding him soaked in blood. She looked at Officer Gunn.

"Is he?" She couldn't finish the sentence instead she nodded her head in the direction of Parker. Officer Gunn gave her a curt nod before turning his attention back to Spike. She felt her whole body sigh in relief. He was gone, he was never going to torment her or anyone else again. Looking back down at Spike, she wound her hand into his, praying that Parker hadn't taken the one thing in her life that made her smile.


	11. Live For Me

_**Chapter 11**_

_**Live for me**_

Buffy sat in the hospital waiting room with Willow and Xander sitting by her side speaking words of comfort trying the best to calm her. She was covered in blood and she still hadn't heard any news on Spike. Oz's parents had arrived a little while ago and were now talking to the doctor. They were told Oz had to have stiches done but otherwise was going to be fine.

Buffy had called Spike's father Giles shortly after arriving to the hospital; she was surprised he was able to understand a word she had said through the sobs that wracked through her small frame, thankfully, Willow have taken the phone from her and explained what had happened.

Joyce and Dawn had finally arrive at the hospital after being escorted by the officers, Joyce ran to her eldest daughter, dropping to her knees in front of her, she gasped at the sight of her.

"Oh honey you're covered in blood, are you okay?" Buffy looked up at her mother tears spiling from her tired blood shot eyes.

"Mommy" she sobbed sounding almost like a child again. Her mother held her only breaking away at the sound of Mr Giles voice.

"Buffy where's William?" Buffy stood up looking at Giles.

"He's in surgery"

"Buffy what happened?" Joyce asked, keeping her arm around her daughter.

"Oz and Spike where shot. Oz is going to be okay, the bullet just grazed him, but Spike" Buffy stopped chocking back the tears that threatened to spill out again trying to calm herself "He was badly injured mom. He was shot in the chest protecting me," she whispered feeling guilt, fear, and pain flood through her all at once.

"Oh honey," Joyce whispered touching her face as the doctor approached them.

"Mr Giles?"

"That's me," he answered stepping forward to speak to the doctor.

"Your son is out of surgery we were able to remove the bullet successfully. We just took him up to recovery"

"Can we see him?" Buffy asked sounding almost desperate to know that Spike was going to be okay.

"Of course but you need to understand we don't know if he's going to wake up. He lost a lot of blood," the doctor informed them.

"He's not going to wake up?" Buffy choked, feeling like her heart had just stopped it was like she couldn't breathe.

"We're not sure, that's really up to him now"

"Oh god" she whispered bi'_**this is all my fault'/i/b**_ she thought to herself.

Several hours later Buffy sat next to Spike. He was so still and looked almost fragile she hated Parker even more for doing this to him. She wished it was her laying there in his place, a part of her knowing that if he hadn't been a part of her life she would be the one laying there.

Her mother had dragged a reluctant Giles out for a coffee and a chat about the night events and thankfully leaving her to have some time alone with him. She held his hand desperately hoping he would return to her.

"What you did today," Buffy took a deep breath before continuing; "No one has ever done anything like that for me before. You saved my life, you took a bullet for me, you promised you would protect me and you did, and now, I wish you hadn't. You're lying here because of me. We don't know if you're going to wake up, but you have to, I need you to wake up, I need you," she sobbed feeling her heart breaking what would she do without him? With the knowledge that he thought she hated him? The last thing they had done was fight aside from their brief encounter in the dorm hallway.

She knew if he didn't wake up she would never be able to forgive herself for so much, for being so stupid about Harmony, for starting a fight with him, pulling away cause she was stupidly scared of being hurt, she just prayed he would be okay.

"Who am I going to call if I have a bad day? Who's going to just hang out with me? There's so much I want to say to you, to apologise for but I don't even know where to start. Please come back to me, don't leave me... please Spike... I love you," she whispered laying her head on his chest sobbing softly, when she felt a hand brushing across her hair she figured her mother and Giles were back looking up, she lost her breath as she looked into Spike tired blue eyes.

"Hello cutie," he smiled.

"Oh god Spike I thought you were going to die," she sobbed as she leaned forward to hug him gently.

"I promised you I would always be here for you, can't start breaking my promises now," she pulled back to looked at him with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"God I thought I lost you," she whispered and then she kissed him, it was more unexpected for her then it was for him but they both welcomed the gentle kiss neither moving to deepen it but simply enjoying it, slowly but reluctantly she pulled back to look at him.

"You'll never lose me," he whispered touching her face she leant into his palm closing her eyes. Buffy then whispered, "I'm so sorry about last night, I was so stupid," she said feeling like a fool, how could she possibly believe this man, a man that had saved her life, took a bullet for her would cheat on her with Harmony? She was a fool; she just hoped he forgave her.

"It's okay luv, it did look bad but you got to know I was telling the truth, she's got nothing on you Summers," he whispered sincerely, so sincerely she wanted to cry again but instead she opened up completely she finally took a chance, she trusted him completely and it was time she told him the truth.

"I love you" she whispered but loud enough for him to hear her words, slowly opening her eyes to see his reaction, dreading the thought of seeing rejection in his eyes but when she locked green eyes you blue ones she only saw one thing shining there: love. He smiled brilliantly at her.

"And I love you," he whispered back, she sighed with relief as she leant in kissing him passionately thankful that he was her with her and that she would have a second chance with him and this time she knew she wouldn't mess it up, she trusted him, loved him and he loved her and that was all that mattered.


	12. Happy Birthday Buffy

_Chapter 12_

_Happy Birthday Buffy_

b2 Months later/b

It had been two months since Parker's escape from prison and his rampage on campus. Oz was doing fine; he had the stitches removed after three weeks and now only had a scar as memory of the ordeal. Spike had been released from the hospital after three weeks but ordered to take things easy.

Parker had been buried only one week after being shot Buffy had attended the service with Willow at her side she had explained to everyone that she need closure, aside from his mother Buffy and Willow had been the only people there.

Buffy had introduce herself and his mum Joan has apologised repeatedly for what Parker had put her through, she had explained that Parkers father Ethan had been a violent alcoholic and even at a young age Parker had displayed those same violent tendencies.

She had left Ethan but it seemed too late for Parker who was constantly in fights and having trouble with the law. Joan was such a sweet woman Buffy felt sorry for her, holding her tightly as Joan sobbed into her shoulder as they lowered her only son into the ground.

Buffy and Willow had taken her out for coffee before dropping her home promising to check up on her from time to time and Buffy had kept to her word dropping in on Joan at least once a week, she was doing better and after Buffy had introduced her to Joyce they had become close friends and now meet once a week for book club.

Buffy and Spike had returned to University, to the gossip and whispers but it didn't bother her now her nightmare with Parker was truly over. Her friends and family were safe and Spike was going to be fine, and now two months later Buffy and Spike were getting closer and closer.

It was Buffy's 20th birthday and after a beautiful dinner with family and friends and a night dancing at the Bronze they headed back to Buffy's dorm room standing out the front of her room Spike leant down leaving a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Happy birthday Buffy," he smiled about ready to turn and walk away when she grasp his forearm turning back to face her.

"Do you want to come in?" she smiled shyly.

"I don't want to wake Willow up, she's probably asleep by now."

"Probably, but not here, I asked her to spend the night at Oz's place," she smiled biting her lower lip nervously. Spike felt his heart pound in his cheat at her request unsure of what to say, opening the door and leading him into the mostly dark room aside from the light from the moon that streamed into the window above her bed, he turned to face her when he heard the door click close behind him.

"Buffy luv we don't have to do anything, as I said I'm more than happy to wait," he smiled cupping her cheek.

"And that's why I want to, that and a thousand other reasons," she smiled slowly undoing his buttons on his top. He then grabbed her hands gently so wouldn't scare her.

"Luv are you sure"

"I'm sure... I love you William," she whispered, he smiled bright at this she was the only person in the world that could say his real name and make it sound so sexy and of course actually get away with saying it.

Letting go of her hands she resumed her takes slipping his top off his shoulders and letting it pool to the floor, she couldn't help but admire his perfectly sculptured chest running her nails over it slightly grazing his nipples. He shuttered under her touch, looking at his scar she slowly traced a finger over it feeling the sadness wash over her.

As if knowing imminently what she was thinking he covered her hand with his using the other to cup her face forcing her to look him in the eyes, seeing that her eyes where glassed over.

"Hush now luv I'm right here, no one and nothing will keep us apart. I love you Buffy forever and always," he whispered touching the gold locket he had given her as a birthday present that held a photo of them inside on the back was engraved bi**"**_**Love forever and always Spike"/i/b**_ his words, his touch__caused a tear to slip from her eye. Not giving either of them a chance to say another word Buffy smashed her lips onto him kissing his with all the fear, sadness, love and passion she felt inside her.

Slipping his hands to the bottom of her dress he scrunched it up lifting it up and off her body dropping it to the floor. He took a moment and admired the beauty before him: she stood in her black high hills, with a matching red lacy bra and thong, her hair pooled around her face and down her shoulders in waves. She looked like a goddess and he couldn't help but go rock hard at the sight of her. Moving forward to kiss her again he felt her unclasp his belt pushing his pants down his legs; she almost gasped out loud at the feel of his erection sprung out, a slapping her in the stomach. Slipping off his shoes he thanked god he hadn't worn his boots tonight, as he stepped out of his pant.

She took the opportunity to look over his naked form and for a moment fear flooded through her, he was b**HUGE**/b at least 9 inches or more and thick ib_**"how the hell is that going to fit in me?"/i/b **_she found herself thinking. Shaking the thought from her mind she tried to calm down. Spike noticed her hesitation and wondered if she had changed her mind.

"Luv do you want to stop? Cause we can if you have changed your mind?" part of him hoped she hadn't, he was dying to make love to her but another part didn't want to push her and wanted her to be 100% sure.

"No, no I still want to it's just..." she started biting her lower lip feeling embarrassed.

"What luv?" he asked and she looked up at him unsure of how to put it, she decided straight to the point was the best way.

"Well... y..you're so b..big," Spike chuckled softly at this feeling pride wash over him, stepping forward kissing her gently he smiled down at her.

"I would do nothing to hurt you pet I promise, do you trust me?"

"I trust you," he smiled at her response kissing her again groaning when he felt her tongue push past his lips, gently caressing his reaching around to unclasp her bra he let it fall from her body he felt her slip out of her shoes and then slowly walked them back to her bed they slowly felt backwards onto it being careful not to crush her he moved down to take one harden nub into his mouth.

She moaned at the feel of his teeth scraping over her nipple sending electric shocks straight down her body as his other hand rubbed her other soft mound spraying hot kisses down her body he stopped at her lace covered sex, slipping two fingers under the waist band he slowly pulled her panties down her legs and past her feet tossing them to the floor. He moved to spread her legs but found her trying to cover herself shyly.

"Don't hide from me luv, you're gorgeous, every part of you" he whispered at her smiling when he felt her legs start to relax, spreading they gently he took in the sight of her cleaning shaved pussy glistening with need, slowly slipping a single didget between her wet folds, spreading them apart he quickly slipped his tongue out circling her clit causing her hips to lift off the bed and towards his face, he took this opportunity to suck her clit into his mouth.

"Oh god Spike," she moaned weathering under his touch; she had never felt anything so amazing. She felt like her whole body was on fire and she would explode at any moment, slipping two fingers into her tight channel he started pumping them in gently at first and then more forcefully, flicking his tongue over her clit skilfully, lapping at her mound like a man starved as her moans grew louder and her walls started to flutter around his fingers he picked up the pace sending her spiralling out of control.

"SPIKE" she wailed in her realise, crawling up her now limp body he smiled happy at her response to him, kissing her passionately Buffy could taste herself on his tongue she was sure she wouldn't like this but it only fuelled her excitement, rapping her legs around his lean waist she pushed her wet mound ageist his erection silently giving him permission.

"Are you still sure luv?" she smiled loving how caring he was being bring him down to kiss her again she pushed up against him again in a silent answer kissing down her neck he positioned himself at her entrance.

"I'm sorry pet," he whispered into her ear she was slightly confused but soon realised what he was apologising for, thrusting into her she felt pain rip thought her whole body causing her to scream slightly.

"I'm sorry luv, it will stop soon I promise" he whispered petting her hair gently moving to wipe the tears from her face nodding gently she took a deep breath to try and calm herself noticing that the pain was starting to subside she began to move under him, feeling her move he started to slowly move in and out of her with ease taking it slow so not to hurt her but Buffy soon got frustrated with his gentleness.

"Please Spike faster... harder" she groaned in his ear taking one lobe into her mouth biting down on it gently smiling slightly when she heard him moan slowly letting it slip from her lips.

No longer able to control himself he did as she asked pounding into her with force faster and harder, she meet him thrust for thrust feeling that familiar burn start to build in her tummy. They groaned at the feel of each other, he was so big, she could feel him stretching and filling every inch of her, she was so full.

He felt like he was on fire she was so wet for him, so tight and as hot as hell, he slowly thru**s**ted into her, she meet him thrust for thrust moaning in pleasure he felt to good inside her, so right.

"Oh god Spike" she moaned out, she was quivering in pleasure with every thrust he hit just the right spot inside her.

"Oh Buffy you feel so bloody good" he groaned, she loved the sound of his voice as they made love. She needed to hear more.

"Tell me more… gah… tell me how it feels being inside me" she groaned, "_**his girl liked dirty talk,**_ _**naughty girl**__**"**___he thought

"You feel so hot and so bloody tight, you feel just like heaven.

"You're so wet, tell me it's for me, only me," he groaned.

"Yes you, god only you," she moaned.

Suddenly she flipped them, taking control, sitting them up so they where now face to face he continued to meet her thrust for thrust green eyes meeting blue ones she felt trapped in his gaze as he thrusted into her, hitting her in just the right spot, sending electric shots shooting straight through her body.

"SPIKE!" she screamed his name in her release. Feeling her clamp and flutter around him, sent him over the edge spilling his seed into her welcoming womb, looking into each other's eyes Buffy smiled shyly. Spike slowly laid them back down reluctantly slipping from her warmth. Buffy couldn't help but whimper at the loss, pulling the blanket up to cover their naked forms he snuggled close to her.

"That was amazing luv, you were amazing," he whispered into her neck as he lift soft kisses along her neck.

"You were pretty amazing yourself," she smiled shyly again.

"I love you Buffy, so bloody much," he confessed.

"I love you too," she replied slowly closing her eyes letting sleep take hold of her, he laid there a little while longer watching her sleep. She was so beautiful and he loved her so much, he couldn't imagine life without her now and he hoped he never would have too.

"Happy Birthday Buffy," he whispered kissing her head gently before he allowed himself to join her in sleep.


	13. Forever and always

_Chapter 13_

_Forever & Always._

b**7 years later**/b

Buffy looked out at the crowd, this was The Slayers last concert for at least two years. They had just finished their world tour and were taking a couple of years off to spend time with their families.

After the night with Spike on her birthday, it had taken them two years to graduate college; it was then that they signed a five year contract with Francis record, they had been in a world wind ever since.

After their first release people had become huge fans of The Slayers. The girls had found themselves, doing record signings, concerts, recording to records, and even a few of the girls had appeared in television shows like Cordy, Buffy, and Willow.

Buffy took a deep breath, this was it, the very last song they would sing in concert for at least two years. Looking out at the crowd she smiled, she would miss this but she knew it was worth it.

They all had families now, families that need them. Willow and Oz had been married for four years. Oz still played guitar with a few bands but he had found a new interest and now worked at a major high end computer company just outside Sunnydale. Willow had also given birth to a beautiful baby girl just two years ago who they called Tara.

Angel had been offered a job at a law firm in L.A called Wolfram and Hart. Cordy had wanted to live in Sunnydale but Angel had been promoted and she didn't want to force him to move, so she had decided that L.A was only a short drive to Sunnydale where most of her friends would be living. Cordy and Angel had got married five years ago, shortly after they discovered Cordy was pregnant with a little boy whom they named Connor.

Wesley and Fred had been the first to get married just over five years ago, just days after their college graduation. Now Wesley worked as the Sunnydale high school Liberian and they had two beautiful kids, twins a boy named Charles and a girl name Jasmine who are now four years old.

Xander now owned his own construction business in Sunnydale and was doing quite well for himself. He and Anya had married two years ago and were hoping now that Anya would be home to start trying for a baby.

Riley was now working at Sunnydale high as a P.E teacher and after much persuasion Faith had agreed to marry him. He had proposed three times over the past seven years and every time she had said no, telling Riley she was a free spirit and didn't want to be tied down but Buffy knew the real reason.

The band was always on the road, even after they had kids. The Slayers still had responsibilities that they couldn't walk away from. Faith had witnessed the strain that had put of the girls marriages and how hurt their kids were everytime they had to go out of town and Buffy knew Faith loved Riley far too much to put him through that let alone a child.

Once they had decided to take a couple of years off Faith had asked Riley to marry her, he had quickly and eagerly said yes. They were due to walk down the aisle in three short months.

Buffy smiled they had all been through so much together, it was hard to believe it was almost over but she knew one day they would come back together and do this again. Grasping the mike Buffy began to talk.

"As all you guys know The Slayers are taking a break for a couple of years," Buffy smiled when she heard the crowd boo.

"I know, I know, we're going to miss you guys too, but we will be spending time with our families, so this is the end of our world tour. We are leaving you with the promise to return and this song that has never been heard worldwide. It's the number one song on our next album due to hit stores in a little over a month, it's called By Your Side, we hope you guys love it and we thank you for your awesome support over the years. We love you!" everyone cheered and wolf whistled and the band started to play.

_iWhy are you striving these days  
Why are you trying to earn grace  
Why are you crying  
Let me lift up your face  
Just don't turn away/I_

Buffy sang like she never had before, turning to look at her husband who stood at the side of the stage behind the curtain smiling brightly at her. ib_**Spike**_/b/i her mind whispered, she loved him so much, he had done so much for her, picked her up when she fell down, held her when she hurt, saved her life by taking a bullet.

_iWhy are you looking for love  
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough  
To where will you go child  
Tell me where will you run  
To where will you run/i_

She didn't know it was possible to love someone so much, he had been so supportive for what she wanted, being there for every signing, every recording, every concert. He had put his wants, dreams and hopes on hold so she could have hers but she knew now it was his turn even though he insisted he was very happy with his life, she wanted more for him.

_i__And I'll be by your side  
Wherever you fall  
In the dead of night  
Whenever you call  
And please don't fight  
These hands that are holding you  
My hands are holding you/i_

She knew Spike had continued to write but held off on attempting to get his poetry published. She knew that he had ideas for a novel also, but he never had the time; not when he was always with her and defiantly not once their daughter had been born three years ago.

_iLook at these hands and my side  
They swallowed the grave on that night  
When I drank the world's sin  
So I could carry you in  
And give you life  
I want to give you life/i_

They named Dawn Jenny Giles after Buffy's sister and Spike's mother. It was time for Buffy to be a mother and she wanted that more than anything; she had already missed out on so much of Dawn's life, her first, word, her first steps… even though Dawn was always with them Buffy was always so busy. Dawn would try to show her things but Buffy never had the time to stop and really look.

_iAnd I'll be by your side  
Wherever you fall  
In the dead of night  
Whenever you call  
And please don't fight  
These hands that are holding you  
My hands are holding you/i_

Buffy knew that Dawn also needed some stability in her life. The road was no place for a kid to be raised. They still owned a home in Sunnydale but Buffy couldn't even remember the last time they had been there.

_iAnd I'll be by your side  
Wherever you fall  
In the dead of night  
Whenever you call  
And please don't fight  
These hands that are holding you  
My hands are holding you/i_

Buffy had enrolled Dawn into day care two days a week so she could finally spend time with other kids. Willow and Fred had enrolled Charles, Jasmine, and Tara into the same school too.

_iCause I, I love you  
I want you to know  
That I, I love you  
I'll never let you go/i_

Buffy was looking forward to her new life and while they did intend to start recording again in two years they were not going to get as in deep as they had been Buffy wanted to buy a studio in town so they would do all their recording in Sunnydale to be close to their families.

_iAnd I'll be by your side  
Wherever you fall  
In the dead of night  
Whenever you call  
And please don't fight  
These hands that are holding you  
My hands are holding you/i_

i_And I'll be by your side  
Wherever you fall  
In the dead of night  
Whenever you call  
And please don't fight  
These hands that are holding you  
My hands are holding you/i_

Singing the last lyrics the band bowed moving off stage; Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike tightly as he kissed her check, neck and finally lips.

"You were amazing luv like always." Buffy smiled before bending down to pick up Dawn. She wore a soft pick dress, her golden locks hung loosely around her face bouncing around her shoulders when Buffy picked her up. She had Spike's piercing blue eyes, Buffy's red lips, and the sweetest smile.

"You looked so beautiful mommy," she whispered in her ear before placing a soft kiss on her mom's cheek.

"Thank you sweetie, you look beautiful too in your new dress." Dawn smiled brightly playing with her dress, Buffy looked up to face Spike and she noticed the uncertainty in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked concerned.

"Well it's just, it's all over, luv."

"Yeah and?" she smiled a little confused.

"Any regrets?" he asked a little afraid of her answer, Buffy knew he was worried she regretted not continuing on with work instead of taking time off. Looking at her beautiful daughter in her arms and back up at the man she adored she smiled confidently.

"Not one," she smiled, he smiled leaning in to kiss her ignoring the ews coming from their three-year-old I Buffy's arms.

"I love you," she whispered as he pulled away from her.

"I love you too Buffy, forever and always remember," he replied touching the gold locket he had given her for her birthday seven years ago.

"I remember," she smiled back pulling him to her, kissing him lovingly. She couldn't be happier with how her life was going since she had first met Spike and everything had been happening with Parker; it was like her life was swimming in darkness but now she had found…

The light beyond the darkness.

The End.


End file.
